BFF International: SONG OF SONGS
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The Journey for Breiter Futures Foundation....Transforming the lives of our youth through Faith, Hope & Love...
Friday, November 26, 2010
SONG OF SONGS
Journey for Breiter Futures:
In Chapter 2 of this book a marvelous love story begins to unfold...well actually in chapter 1 but whose counting. In these pages great, unconditional and quite requited love unfolds in magnificent and beautiful ways. Love that not just speaks to the heart but also to the very soul of the reader. Today, I had what I would call a truly Unexpected day. It started it with the usual feed the dogs, throw a load of laundry in and prepare to take the wookies (my dogs Asa and Kiah) on a hike in the woods. I was bound and determined that if did nothing else today, Thanksgiving, I would commune with God and with my dogs. And I was up against the weather, rain was heading in and as I got to the bottom of my front stoop, drops of rain began to fall. Now in Oregon this would be a normal things but out this way it hasn't been something I have missed much. As I looked up at the sky, dogs sitting patiently with goo goo eyes at Mama, I asked God please just give me an hour please. Since it was just a few drops I said no worries, this is nothing but a spit of rain and I am a native Oregonian....so off we walked to the garage to get in the car to go to the woods.
Time with Mama Mary is rare during the day so excitement run a muck between the two. As I pulled out of the garage a few more drops but then nothing...it would be gray and threaten to rain but I would get my hike in with my two babies. I was also bound and determined that I would teach these two unruly, happy go lucky dogs some manners when they are walking with me alone on and off leash. So off we rode with treats in my pockets and a smile on our faces to the woods. As I parked the car and prepared to get us going the slightest snow flurry graced my windshield. And for those who know me best I love the snow - light or heavy, I always take a child like delight in the unpredictable white flakes as they fall from above.
As we walked the trail, and I have attached some video and pictures to this blog for effect (and well just plain bragging on my gifts of joy), I of course needed to find a Jesus stick. Most of my sisters back home know about this little thing I got going on with God and the Jesus sticks. But for those of you who don't, the story is too long to tell but imagine the song "Lean on Me" and crank it up a notch - the Looking Up not Out way of living. So as the wookies frolicked and played, wrestled and came when called, we set out to enjoy some solitude with each other and with God. Even with my knees as rickity as they are, we managed to get pretty much through to the end of the trail where of course there was a perfectly appointed log to rest at and watch them play. And as the fall leaves in their brilliant colors graced the ground beneath our feet, and the bare branches reminded me of stick people for those of us not blessed with that talent, the small white flakes began to gently fall over the woods. It wasn't a lot and no one else but myself was there to witness it; we sat and I prayed.
Nothing real fancy and tried to do more listening than talking; and that still quiet voice whispered "beloved, you are mine". As I just experienced and practiced the presence of God, poetry began pouring out of my thoughts and I knew I needed to get it on paper. As the flurries became a little heavier, and knowing that the weather could go either way, we set out to return so I could share these breathtaking moments for all time. It was perfect.
When we got back, everyone sufficiently tuckered out, I sat down for some quiet time and scripture. As I opened my electronic version, it opened where I had last been "Song of Songs". As I slowly, carefully read the words of chapter 2, all verses, I was captured by the meaning behind each word and let it speak to my heart. I stopped long enough to be reminded of the greatest love affair we can ever have, a love like no other, filled with the stuff dreams are made of. Perfect love, filled with all the fire and passion that God has for us unfolded and I felt a heaviness leave me and a still gentle smile come over me. I stopped long enough; lingered long enough; took a rest just long enough to be reminded that I have this perfect love everyday....Thanksgiving began. Go to chapter 2, silence the TV or the stereo and linger over every verse...spend time in the flurry of God's Love.
pebble out....
Thursday, November 25, 2010
THANKFULNESS
Journey for Breiter Futures:
It seems fitting that as I lay sleepless in the wee hours of Thanksgiving morning that Thankfulness be the blog of the day. So many things can fall under this heading and it could take a lifetime for any one person to give an account of the myriad of blessings that have been in abundance through our lifetimes. Whatever you believe, being thankful is not only important but also a lesson in humility. Some of you out there are blessed with an abundance of so much that you have become complacent, save on this one day of the year dedicated to giving thanks. While others have so little and yet seem so thankful all year round despite dire circumstance or position. And most of us fall probably in the middle some where - counting our blessings more than not and ever hopeful for tomorrow.
Lately my pity party of one has bogged me down into an endless blah blah blah. But really as I write this I must confess that I have more to be thankful for than I sometimes want to see or accept. God has proven time after time that when I rest in his palms, I have all the shelter and comfort I need. He feeds me, cloths me, nurtures me, will heal me one way or another, and because I know my King I am forever confident that He will never let me wither, in spite of what I might think. So as I reach out to everyone, hopefully producing fruit for eternity, I want to share briefly what it means to me to be thankful.
To be thankful is to be willing to be satisfied with what you have and not begrudge what you do not. Being thankful is gratitude paid forward. Thankfulness is an act of appreciation for what others have given and done for you - OR not because we live in a world mired down in poverty, homelessness, hopelessness, hunger and so many lost people. Floundering about wondering what to believe or not believe; what to go after and what not to, etc. But in thankfulness we give and receive grace fully and deeply from others/to others. When I am thankful I am no longer looking at the little picture but rather the big one. And while God may only give me snippets and previews I always know with a little bit of humble pie and a lot of Faith, I can always find things to be thankful for.
So as you all sit down for Thanksgiving Dinner shared between family and friends; as you sit around the table giving thanks aloud to one another, I challenge you to be unique in how you count your blessings. Be creative, and with abundant joy reach out and show others how thankful you are when someone says your welcome in a real and genuine way. Or when someone offers a prayer for you, unsolicited and with genuine concern for you, be thankful. Or perhaps as you look down at what you don't have - do a 180 and Look Up at what you do have. I am ever thankful and with gratefulness even when I feel my worst, that I am the daughter of a King. I have love, kindness, grace and mercy; He gives me the strength to walk Faith, Hope and Love. And while I will fail every day at every one of these things at least once, I AM thankful for the wounds he took for my sins, for my inadequacy and for yours. I am thankful that He died for my inequity so that I, and all of you may know eternal life.
pebble out..
Sunday, November 21, 2010
SURGERY
Journey to Breiter Futures:
As some of you know I just spent 8 days in the hospital and another 4 at home recouping from massive pain medication, pain itself and the idea that surgery will ultimately be required. As I lay in my hospital bed, feeling pretty much afraid and alone, I started to think about Surgery and when we remove one thing to save another. And it simply reminded me of the importance for us, as children of Christ, our King, to remember that we are all part of the body that is and will be the kingdom of heaven. By not having a new church to call home until late last month, I have very much felt like a chicken with its head cut off. I was floundering around, and the imagery of mock horror movies where bodies run around without heads and the laughter built up, I stopped for a moment to actually give real thought to the importance of each of us in the church.
Without my head I am simply oozing blood and serving no good purpose. I need my head, really I do! But I also need my pinky toe and my left shoulder my right hand and every thing in between. When we come to have an intimate relationship with Christ, a surgery begins to take place. First we begin to understand the nature of God, of His love for all His children regardless! Then as time goes on we begin to delve into the very concepts of Faith, Hope and Love and not tenants of religion. As we do this, we begin to understand what we must let go of in order to have the fullness, the rich and flavorful life that God wants for us (has planned for us). It isn't that we don't have choices, it is are we willing to make the right choices in order to find all of God's promises for out lives?
Are we ready to begin the surgery that is necessary to draw closer to God? Are we ready to do a blood transfusion in order to cleanse, so to speak, our lives of the things that only further us from Him? Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 6:12 and again in 10:23 "all things are permissible - but not all things are beneficial. And even though I am allowed to do anything, I mustn't become a slave to anything." (NLT)
God wants the very best for each of us. He desires to give us the desires of our hearts. He is unconditional in his love and mercy, grace and kindness. But first we need to do some self-applied surgery of sorts in an effort to live a life more abundant. We must say goodbye, cut out, say Adios amigo to the things that are not beneficial in our lives. Not because He's the big bad dictator or puppet master or master manipulator as I have heard so many say. But rather, He's the big great Dad that wants the very best but like a every good Dad (or Mom) knows - usually from experience, sticking your hand into the fire is permissable but really not very beneficial. Shoddy example but I think the point is made. God is not doing the surgery, we are. Each of us, as we come to know the heart of Jesus, as we draw closer into His Presence, begins to see that surgery to remove certain things is not a requirement for His Love and Approval; but rather it is a surgery or labor of love for Him!
As I look back on when I believe I truly accepted Christ into my life, surgery took place. I gave up the things that I knew were not beneficial even though it was always up to me to choose it over Him. Once again, on this new journey I find myself back at a place of needing surgery - and while it may hurt for a bit or sting for a while, ultimately the body is restored and ready to receive new blessings, share His message with others free of the dead limbs - we can do it boldly knowing that loving God and all His goodness is a give and take relationship....and it seems to me, that the surgery we face will never end because we are human and our weakness and frailties will always try to take a front seat until we recognize that very thing! God is the great healer, I trust in His hands over my body, mind, soul and spirit...take it away Doc!
pebble out...
As some of you know I just spent 8 days in the hospital and another 4 at home recouping from massive pain medication, pain itself and the idea that surgery will ultimately be required. As I lay in my hospital bed, feeling pretty much afraid and alone, I started to think about Surgery and when we remove one thing to save another. And it simply reminded me of the importance for us, as children of Christ, our King, to remember that we are all part of the body that is and will be the kingdom of heaven. By not having a new church to call home until late last month, I have very much felt like a chicken with its head cut off. I was floundering around, and the imagery of mock horror movies where bodies run around without heads and the laughter built up, I stopped for a moment to actually give real thought to the importance of each of us in the church.
Without my head I am simply oozing blood and serving no good purpose. I need my head, really I do! But I also need my pinky toe and my left shoulder my right hand and every thing in between. When we come to have an intimate relationship with Christ, a surgery begins to take place. First we begin to understand the nature of God, of His love for all His children regardless! Then as time goes on we begin to delve into the very concepts of Faith, Hope and Love and not tenants of religion. As we do this, we begin to understand what we must let go of in order to have the fullness, the rich and flavorful life that God wants for us (has planned for us). It isn't that we don't have choices, it is are we willing to make the right choices in order to find all of God's promises for out lives?
Are we ready to begin the surgery that is necessary to draw closer to God? Are we ready to do a blood transfusion in order to cleanse, so to speak, our lives of the things that only further us from Him? Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 6:12 and again in 10:23 "all things are permissible - but not all things are beneficial. And even though I am allowed to do anything, I mustn't become a slave to anything." (NLT)
God wants the very best for each of us. He desires to give us the desires of our hearts. He is unconditional in his love and mercy, grace and kindness. But first we need to do some self-applied surgery of sorts in an effort to live a life more abundant. We must say goodbye, cut out, say Adios amigo to the things that are not beneficial in our lives. Not because He's the big bad dictator or puppet master or master manipulator as I have heard so many say. But rather, He's the big great Dad that wants the very best but like a every good Dad (or Mom) knows - usually from experience, sticking your hand into the fire is permissable but really not very beneficial. Shoddy example but I think the point is made. God is not doing the surgery, we are. Each of us, as we come to know the heart of Jesus, as we draw closer into His Presence, begins to see that surgery to remove certain things is not a requirement for His Love and Approval; but rather it is a surgery or labor of love for Him!
As I look back on when I believe I truly accepted Christ into my life, surgery took place. I gave up the things that I knew were not beneficial even though it was always up to me to choose it over Him. Once again, on this new journey I find myself back at a place of needing surgery - and while it may hurt for a bit or sting for a while, ultimately the body is restored and ready to receive new blessings, share His message with others free of the dead limbs - we can do it boldly knowing that loving God and all His goodness is a give and take relationship....and it seems to me, that the surgery we face will never end because we are human and our weakness and frailties will always try to take a front seat until we recognize that very thing! God is the great healer, I trust in His hands over my body, mind, soul and spirit...take it away Doc!
pebble out...
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
FAITH
Journey to Breiter Futures
Faith is an interesting decision, choice, is emotional and spiritual in all practices. Not everyone who believes in God has Faith and not everyone who has Faith believes in God. We put our faith into the tangibles; the seen versus unseen; in people and power and position! We demonstrate faith in every way imaginable often overlooking what it truly means to have faith, be faithful and reflect faith.
As we wind down from our week and for those of you out celebrating Halloween with parties or kids trick or treating; I want to ask where does your faith lie? Where do you find yourself leaning towards when you think about faith? What do you think faith is? Faith is amazing! It's amazing and wonderful and a tremendous quality to have. When walking by faith, we truly allow God to work in our lives, our hearts and in what we can share with others through the reflection of that faith in all we do.
But faith is not easy, nor is it natural as it once was during the time in the garden of Adam and Eve. And, even then, because of a desire to believe that they knew better than God, they took of the fruit that was the catalyst to where we are today. The bible tells us to have the faith of a child but how do we do that or come to a place in our lives where we CAN do that - consistently? Well, I think that as we mature in our walk with Christ; as we grow weary of the battles that rage within and without, and turn to God for guidance Faith gets easier. I think that while we are not all given the spiritual gift of Faith, the gift of faith lies within us and all we have to do is believe. Many of us have a great deal of faith in ourselves. We trust ourselves to follow the rules, or play nice with others, or have faith in friendship. But as I look around, I see people who, because of circumstance, bad experience or who have witnessed, or experienced first hand horrific trials, have little or no faith. I have heard more times than not "that we are mere puppets with God as the ultimate puppeteer", but I disagree. And history past and present have examples and demonstrations of people like me, disagree.
I believe GOD! Period. no explanation or debate required. I believe GOD because God has never failed me. My parents failed me, my family has failed me, friends have failed me, but most of all I have failed me, and in doing I have failed so many others. And the consequences of each and every action, or lack of. We are so quick to blame our problems and bad choices on something we cannot see, yet when asked if we have faith of a child most of us cannot say we do. We say we believe there is a God; we say we believe in God; but if we say these things then should we not also respond to trials and triumphs in a manner that reflects that very claim? Perhaps time spent reflecting on this particular gift would be insightful, meaningful and bring answers where none were before.
If you believe you can blame God for all the wrong in the world and that He is a vengeful God then you are a hypocrite. You cannot blame God with one hand and then turn around and say you have faith there is a God in the other. Wanna know why? Because those two statements contradict each other. If God is the Father then His decisions in our lives are a direct cause or consequence of our choices. If I decide to lie to keep from getting into trouble and to protect my sorry butt, then as a good Dad, I would hope he would allow me to face the consequence of the situation so that I might learn, grow and develop a deeper understanding to know the Father Heart of God, and His will in my life. Well that same logic applies to all things great and small. I would rather have the FAITH of a child, than go through my life being a hypocrite to the very faith I write about. I love God with all of my heart. I love to share His message of faith, hope and love in all that I do. Will I always be successful, definitely not. But I would rather go through this life fighting the good fight (Romans 20:24) and walking by faith not by sight (Hebrews 11:1) because in that I learn to trust and believe and treasure and behold all that is God's.
It is odd to me that in all this time, I did not write something about FAITH even though all of my blogs are about precisely that. Kat once said to me, back in the Tektronix days, "first you get the facts, then you get the feelings, then you get the faith"...I'll never forget that or her...God used her to give me something wonderful; something that would stay with me for the rest of my life. I may not always have faith in friends, or love, or life or myself; but my faith in God is what matters most & He will never let me down; never leave me barren; never find me without hope; and will always fill me with love when my cup is empty. Hebrews 11:1 is my life verse...and I pray everyday that I live that!
pebble out
Faith is an interesting decision, choice, is emotional and spiritual in all practices. Not everyone who believes in God has Faith and not everyone who has Faith believes in God. We put our faith into the tangibles; the seen versus unseen; in people and power and position! We demonstrate faith in every way imaginable often overlooking what it truly means to have faith, be faithful and reflect faith.
As we wind down from our week and for those of you out celebrating Halloween with parties or kids trick or treating; I want to ask where does your faith lie? Where do you find yourself leaning towards when you think about faith? What do you think faith is? Faith is amazing! It's amazing and wonderful and a tremendous quality to have. When walking by faith, we truly allow God to work in our lives, our hearts and in what we can share with others through the reflection of that faith in all we do.
But faith is not easy, nor is it natural as it once was during the time in the garden of Adam and Eve. And, even then, because of a desire to believe that they knew better than God, they took of the fruit that was the catalyst to where we are today. The bible tells us to have the faith of a child but how do we do that or come to a place in our lives where we CAN do that - consistently? Well, I think that as we mature in our walk with Christ; as we grow weary of the battles that rage within and without, and turn to God for guidance Faith gets easier. I think that while we are not all given the spiritual gift of Faith, the gift of faith lies within us and all we have to do is believe. Many of us have a great deal of faith in ourselves. We trust ourselves to follow the rules, or play nice with others, or have faith in friendship. But as I look around, I see people who, because of circumstance, bad experience or who have witnessed, or experienced first hand horrific trials, have little or no faith. I have heard more times than not "that we are mere puppets with God as the ultimate puppeteer", but I disagree. And history past and present have examples and demonstrations of people like me, disagree.
I believe GOD! Period. no explanation or debate required. I believe GOD because God has never failed me. My parents failed me, my family has failed me, friends have failed me, but most of all I have failed me, and in doing I have failed so many others. And the consequences of each and every action, or lack of. We are so quick to blame our problems and bad choices on something we cannot see, yet when asked if we have faith of a child most of us cannot say we do. We say we believe there is a God; we say we believe in God; but if we say these things then should we not also respond to trials and triumphs in a manner that reflects that very claim? Perhaps time spent reflecting on this particular gift would be insightful, meaningful and bring answers where none were before.
If you believe you can blame God for all the wrong in the world and that He is a vengeful God then you are a hypocrite. You cannot blame God with one hand and then turn around and say you have faith there is a God in the other. Wanna know why? Because those two statements contradict each other. If God is the Father then His decisions in our lives are a direct cause or consequence of our choices. If I decide to lie to keep from getting into trouble and to protect my sorry butt, then as a good Dad, I would hope he would allow me to face the consequence of the situation so that I might learn, grow and develop a deeper understanding to know the Father Heart of God, and His will in my life. Well that same logic applies to all things great and small. I would rather have the FAITH of a child, than go through my life being a hypocrite to the very faith I write about. I love God with all of my heart. I love to share His message of faith, hope and love in all that I do. Will I always be successful, definitely not. But I would rather go through this life fighting the good fight (Romans 20:24) and walking by faith not by sight (Hebrews 11:1) because in that I learn to trust and believe and treasure and behold all that is God's.
It is odd to me that in all this time, I did not write something about FAITH even though all of my blogs are about precisely that. Kat once said to me, back in the Tektronix days, "first you get the facts, then you get the feelings, then you get the faith"...I'll never forget that or her...God used her to give me something wonderful; something that would stay with me for the rest of my life. I may not always have faith in friends, or love, or life or myself; but my faith in God is what matters most & He will never let me down; never leave me barren; never find me without hope; and will always fill me with love when my cup is empty. Hebrews 11:1 is my life verse...and I pray everyday that I live that!
pebble out
Monday, October 25, 2010
TENT-MAKERS
Definition of LIGHTHOUSE:a structure (as a tower) with a powerful light that gives a continuous or intermittent signal to navigators
2: beacon
Definition of TABERNACLE: a often capitalized : a tent sanctuary used by the Israelites during the Exodus
b archaic : a dwelling placec archaic : a temporary shelter : tent
2
: a receptacle for the consecrated elements of the Eucharist; especially : an ornamental locked box used for reserving the Communion hosts
3 a house of worship; specifically : a large building or tent used for evangelistic services
The Apostle Paul was a tent maker, among other things. So, what exactly is a "tentmaker?"
Acts 18:3 "Paul moved in with them (Aquila & Priscilla), and they worked together at their common trade of tent-making." (The Message) - Yes, Paul, at one point in his life, had a day job. A regular 9 to 5'er. However, he didn't merely toil at making tents for no reason. Rather, he leveraged his profession to advance the Gospel.
So, to answer the question, a "tentmaker" is someone who has a career and a passion to let God use them in their career to further the Gospel. Like Paul, God may call them to vocational ministry, or not. The point is, a "tentmaker" uses their career as a propellant for ministry. The earliest revivals began during the ministry of Jesus and afterward through the apostles and by Paul. These "tent makers" stood as the lighthouse to the lost and unsaved; forgotten and outcast; affluent or not. Their tents a tabernacle in which to share the good news and the message of Jesus Christ.
When we think about the practical purpose of a Lighthouse it has a warm comforting feeling about it. We imagine ourselves out at sea needing a port in the storm and thankfully, hundreds of, maybe thousands of years ago, someone who saw the need for such a structure had an "Aha" moment. But every great achievement by man, interestingly enough reflects some story or problem addressed in one book, consistently throughout the ages.
But before I head down this path I want to mention first that it was exactly 5 months ago today (Sunday Oct 24) that my self and pets in tow, landed on this rock where I was raised. It marks significant mention because of the days leading up to and including this day. Secondly, it is my first day back here in more than 3 months and for those of you who follow and have been waiting I wish to ask for your forgiveness. Third, my transition from Oregon to New York has not been an easy one, in spite of the fact that I was raised here. I have struggled to find a new church family, a tent whereby the lighthouse in my life burns brightest when I am in fellowship within the tent. So, as I am welcomed into the fold of this new home called the Lighthouse Tabernacle, I wanted to dig a little into the origins and specifically the impact these 2 words, when joined together, can change lives.
Back in Paul's day being a tent maker was an ordinary profession, but one that would propel ministries around the world through the ages, simply because of HOW God chose to use Paul for His purpose to serve the kingdom of heaven. Now, when you understand that a tent provides shelter from the elements and that a light house is a beacon in the darkness, even in the bright of day, and then understand the definition of what a tabernacle is then you can clearly see how God is in every little detail, speaking to us through subtleties such as these.
Over these past months I have been without a tent; my lighthouse was concealed by everyday realities and a rash of self-pity and discouragement; and well, I hadn't found my new home...place of worship where I could have fellowship and refreshing, renewal and feel the warmth of the Holy Spirit as it takes over when we are awash in worship. About a week ago I decided to put some prayers in my prayer box. I was in a valley and I desperately needed sanctuary and some answers to prayers. I felt myself going down a familiar road and rather than allow the lies to take over, I followed what I know to be true...the word of God. In one week God answered 3 prayers. While each one profoundly impacted me, as He always does when He taps me on the shoulder and says "I never left you"; the one that was the most needed was finding a new place to call home on Sunday mornings. A new home that had a core belief that we need to be building people for the glory of GOD.
And as amazing, (this story has many blessings but it would take too long to share, so this is the condensed version), there is a young man in this fellowship named Aaron. Aaron, who I have not yet met, but have heard incredible things about, has a passion for our youth. He and a brother in Christ have been gifted and chosen to share the gospels to kids down in Alphabet City in Manhattan. And what makes it so very special is that the kids are loving it. They weren't even aware they were been rapped the gospel message until the DJ let the cat out of the bag, and the kids went wild. Aaron was bringin' down the house and God was lighting the way. Without even realizing it, Aaron became a tent maker and God is using him to be a lighthouse for these kids who don't know the Father Heart of God. They don't know how to trust the Father because they only know the earthly ones they were given. They do not know yet how God has great plans for blessings and not curses, for purpose and direction in a world gone crazy with distractions and high tech gadgetry; they have not yet seen the miracle of answered prayer or the peace of fellowship with one another, someplace safe from the atrocities and harsh realities of this world. They do not yet see that God's vision and heart for all Hos children is for prosperity and purpose; faith, hope...LOVE.
So for us tent makers, it is not our job to make them come into the tent or listen to the message or see the light..that's God's job. Our job is to be obedient to the calling He has given each of us and prayerfully walk in that purpose, seeking to be and do His will, and allow God to be.. GOD! So as I wind this down, and please forgive me if it is a little disjointed-I might be a little rusty, I want to ask you this question: "Are you a tender of the flock or the border collie that keeps them moving; are you trying for your glory or His; are you willing to give your life for another, so that no sheep are left behind?
When I came to NY, I knew I was on His mission for BFF International. I have beat myself up horribly over the time it has taken me to adjust, acclimate, find my tent, or raise it much less; Sunday I found the lighthouse, and I hope and pray that as I become part of this tent revival ministry, that God will allow me to be His lighthouse in the days, weeks, months and years to come. That through my love of God, His light becomes that beacon of hope for our youth who have not yet met "the Father Heart of God".
pebble out
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
SANCTUARY
Last week I posted my status on FB as I finally had a bed, and when I posted that I began to write my next blog – SANCTUARY. Having been interrupted on several attempts to finish it, I set it aside until I found the free time to focus on such an important aspect of every person’s life. Young or old, rich or poor, affluent or not, we all seek sanctuary not just daily throughout our routine but also heavily in our “off duty” time. Sanctuary is often thought of as a place of retreat to in peace and quiet, a refuge for the hustle and bustle of 21st century life. Regardless of whom you are; where you live…somehow we all find a way to make room in our busy schedules to “get away”! When I posted about finally moving from the sofa to an actual bedroom, I was elated. My Sanctuary in this physical world has always been my home. No matter how run down or extravagant my environment, I ALWAYS put the Marebear stamp on every room, because when I come home, I really do need a place of escape. I have always been complimented on my style and design ideas and how I am able to capture a sense of peace where ever I call home. Whether a tent, a card board box or a mansion, invariably I always am able to create a Sanctuary for rest and comfort. Not being one for clutter or disorganization, unlike some of my posts at times, I enjoy coming home to my family and resting in a spot I have designated for prayer, or slumber, conversation and entertainment or just plain serenity. Fond of candles, I am also noted for my love of candles and ambient lighting because it is such an important part of creating a space of pure relaxtion, welcome and invitation.
But what happens when that place of Sanctuary, place of peace that we are used to or need, or is taken away and is replaced with disorder and chaos? What happens when at the end of a harried day we are unable to fix our homes, lives, or environment to meet that need, longing almost? Some people find comfort and sanctuary in external activities with family and friends. Others find it in a good book in front of a roaring fire; others through sports; others in work. But in all my travels, all my adventures, both good and not so good, my Sanctuary has always when I come home. Creating an atmosphere where the outside world is shut out or brought in via nature, home was always a great place to return to regardless of any circumstance. Even at my most desolate and lone moments, when home felt empty and barren I could find a spot that comforted me and all was right with the world. So of course when I finally had a place to rest my head at night, you can imagine how important it was to get it ready to be my sanctuary from the very hectic daily life I have begun in my new job. And for those who know me up close and personal, since I am incapable of doing anything half way, I approached the matter with not just great enthusiasm but also with a bit of OCD type behavior.
But man made Sanctuaries are perishable, they can crumble and fall, or vanish in an instant because other than the Almighty, nothing is ours or permanent. It’s like the joke about renting beer, in a way we are just renting what God has or is provisioning for our lives. All that glitters is not gold, a very commonly referred to biblical quote, is a wonderful reminder that everything here is temporal – fleeting – without permanence because it is perishable in an instant by any number of things in and out of nature. So becoming attached to things that create a physical sanctuary can be a dangerous game. When that world is shattered or taken away, our sense of safety and security can be rocked leading to a myriad of emotional let downs, pitfalls and disappointments.
But, and you knew this was coming, what if we allow the peac e and comfort in the arms of our creator be our Sanctuary, our port in the storm, the pillow upon which we lay our cares and worries of the day? What would that look like, how would we get there, find it, create it or just let it become a part of who we are? So as I began this last week, creating my bedroom sanctuary, warm, inviting, peaceful, serene suddenly some reality came flooding in and it was smashed against the shore as though it were a tidal wave in a storm. When that hope for a place to lay my head and be reflective and spend time at rest was replaced with a reality check of sorts, suddenly I began writing this piece.
We all do this, we build things up in our minds, only to be disappointed or let down when things don’t quite go according to plan. But when we keep looking up instead of out, the greatest Sanctuary known to man is quietly waiting in the wings for us to stop long enough to not just take notice but also to listen and reflect on and with God, and all the Glory that entails, that is when the meaning of Sanctuary really comes into focus. I find that in the chaos, pain, sorrow or just plain madness of life and all that is, my only real Sanctuary is in the hands of my creator. When I focus my gaze, my heart, my thoughts, my hopes, my hurts and my fears in the Word of God, or lay all of these things and a million others at His feet, there is not a single solitary place on this planet that becomes more peaceful or alive as when I am resting in Jesus. And when I fail to look up and continue looking out, I miss out on the many and quite extraordinary blessings that God intends, intended or wills in or for my life, for the life of those I love and care for, on the needs of the many versus the need for the one.
God should be the port in every storm. He should be where we turn to throughout the day when a time of refreshing is what we need. We need to be finding our Sanctuary in the arms of Christ because only there can all be right with the world, even when that world is turned upside down or inside out. In my times of greatest need, heartache, joy and solitude, it never ceases to amaze me how being in the Sanctuary of God’s Amazing Grace and Mercy, brings everything back into focus and helps … no makes me feel right with the world. I am most flawed when I fail to see this, because it is like peering over a fence wishing that perfect green lawn were mine. I am my most joyful when I climb down off the fence, sitting quietly with nothing but a breeze and the scent of flowers in the air knowing that God just presented me with Sanctuary on His terms and not my own.
I finally unpacked this weekend, and while physically I am paying dearly for that burst of energy, my physical sanctuary has a new meaning for me because no longer am I placing its importance on the things that create the Sanctuary but rather who I invite to make it my Sanctuary.
He is our refuge and where that may be or what it looks like will be different for all of us…but when we take a moment to invite Him in and spend that time with Him then your surroundings or physical location are of no importance because you are no longer fixing your eyes out but up, allowing God to simply be…well, Be God!
Pebble out…
Friday, July 2, 2010
THE MIRROR IS JESUS
Another late and long day but want to take a moment to share about our Mirror and what we see when are looking back. When I get up in the morning I like most people make some coffee, feed the dogs and then let them o
ut and then go through the usual getting ready routine. Often as I step out of the shower and look in the mirror, I decide what face do I want to wear that day..you know hair up or down, make up or no make up, sweet or sophisticated,m professional or casual like aloha Friday. But often over the years I hated mirrors, no matter what I just hated them. Why you might ask? Well, for years I did not like what looked back at me! Self loathing and shame coarser through my veins like poison.
Then one day I read an amazing book and suddenly I began to look at myself quite differently. Suddenly the girl in the mirror shone bright like the northern star. She wasn't all made up just very simply standing there without the shame of past mistakes, hurts and pain. The memories that scarred her heart and imprisoned her mind, it was gone. And what replaced it was the daughter of a King, a princess purified by the living waters of Jesus Christ.
Journeying to a place of peace with who you are and what you hope to reflect and be with others...not cynical and bruised and battered by life's battles from the extreme to the day to day, but rather shining from within a special place in your heart where you exceed the peace and joy that comes from knowing Jesus Christ. That single relationship has the ability to transforms hearts and minds building.people for the Glory of God.
Words of kindness replace thoughts of I'll will or negativity. Encouragement replaces discouraged and beaten down hearts and lives. Love and friendship become something that truly means something to you and you become entrenched by your desire to share this all with the world because you cannot contain yourself.
If you have not yet found your place at the feet of Jesus, I encourage you to spend five minutes, quietly reflecting on what your life is all about. Who do you serve? What are your hopes and dreams and aspirations? Are you in pursuit of the materialistic and emotional stimulant of power and prestige or do you seek to live a life abundant awash with peace, faith, hope and love?
My mirror is my favorite place to go to now, not to look at me but to see Christ within me, His outpouring of love shining bright in this heart of mine...always seeking His approval and not that of the world. And as Jesus looks back at me, I see his smile looking back,
Pebble out....
ut and then go through the usual getting ready routine. Often as I step out of the shower and look in the mirror, I decide what face do I want to wear that day..you know hair up or down, make up or no make up, sweet or sophisticated,m professional or casual like aloha Friday. But often over the years I hated mirrors, no matter what I just hated them. Why you might ask? Well, for years I did not like what looked back at me! Self loathing and shame coarser through my veins like poison.
Then one day I read an amazing book and suddenly I began to look at myself quite differently. Suddenly the girl in the mirror shone bright like the northern star. She wasn't all made up just very simply standing there without the shame of past mistakes, hurts and pain. The memories that scarred her heart and imprisoned her mind, it was gone. And what replaced it was the daughter of a King, a princess purified by the living waters of Jesus Christ.
Journeying to a place of peace with who you are and what you hope to reflect and be with others...not cynical and bruised and battered by life's battles from the extreme to the day to day, but rather shining from within a special place in your heart where you exceed the peace and joy that comes from knowing Jesus Christ. That single relationship has the ability to transforms hearts and minds building.people for the Glory of God.
Words of kindness replace thoughts of I'll will or negativity. Encouragement replaces discouraged and beaten down hearts and lives. Love and friendship become something that truly means something to you and you become entrenched by your desire to share this all with the world because you cannot contain yourself.
If you have not yet found your place at the feet of Jesus, I encourage you to spend five minutes, quietly reflecting on what your life is all about. Who do you serve? What are your hopes and dreams and aspirations? Are you in pursuit of the materialistic and emotional stimulant of power and prestige or do you seek to live a life abundant awash with peace, faith, hope and love?
My mirror is my favorite place to go to now, not to look at me but to see Christ within me, His outpouring of love shining bright in this heart of mine...always seeking His approval and not that of the world. And as Jesus looks back at me, I see his smile looking back,
Pebble out....
Thursday, July 1, 2010
JC - Part IV
When Jesus' ministry began it was unpopular and he was rejected and scorned, scoffed at and ridiculed and shun even by his own apostles, at times. He faced monumental barriers and obstacles, both seen and unseen, real and spiritually. Yet despite everything, He never gave up. He never told he father no, even though he faced all the same challenges and temptations that we struggle with. When we think of Jesus we think of Him as God. Some other faiths and religions only see him as a great prophet of His time. However, Jesus' life and times here on earth were not only numbered but they were carefully purposed to serve God...Period! Besides all the many miracles, teachings, and ministry that we know of His life here on earth, how often do we remember how His life was so purposed so that we would have a true and very real example or point of reference in which to relate or rather, so that His purpose could be understood for us mere mortals? What I am asking is this: when those who share the message of the gospel of Jesus Christ with others, do you come from a place that helps or encourages the unsaved to see in you their same struggles, strife and losses in that very real way that Jesus did?
In 2004 I was blessed with the opportunity to be part of a Mission trip to Nicaragua. It was a two week long event filled with extraordinary moments of courage, faith, failure and learning for all who went. I don't think that anyone who went on this journey came back the same as they were before they left. I, on too many occasions to be able to count found myself humbled not just by the trip itself, but through the people I went with and the people we served. When asked which ministry I felt most drawn to participate in, after careful prayer I felt God's leading to be a part of the prison ministry. After spending my entire life in my own self-imposed prison, I truly felt that His purpose for me was to share the real freedom that comes with a relationship with Jesus whether the bars are real or imagined.
When Jesus walked among the masses, they related to him not just because of the many miracles and recitations of scripture come true but also because they connected with him as someone who had experienced their sorrows, joys, struggles and strife. As we go out into the world to share the vision, message and ministry of Christ, I believe the greatest way we can do that is through sharing our common elements of similarity of experiences and that in itself draws others into understanding of the relationship of God the Father with all of His children. When God sent Christ it was the single greatest sacrifice a parent can make for His children. His willingness to allow His heavenly child to come as a man, experience as a man, struggle as a man, love as a man, but to have the wisdom and understanding of the father is beyond the extraordinary...it is the ultimate sacrifice. What parent can not relate to this? What parent would be willing to lose the one for benefit of the many? What child would be so willing to give their life so that their brothers and sisters might know a life beyond this one and so they would be able to share in the glory of God the father into eternity?
When we share our experiences with others, do we do so with a Christ like humility or is to serve an internal need for validation? Or when we share a particular hardship or battle, triumph or blessing are we doing it for self-serving, attention getting reasons? Often it is probably a bit of both. So tonight as I reflect on ministry to the youth God is preparing for me to witness to in whatever way He has decided and is within his will, I ask that you too might reflect on your life, it's challenges and hurdles, good and bad and examine how is it that God has purposed you. A purpose driven life is a life filled with profound meaning and insights; humility and learning; willingness to be out of the spot light and not in it. But one thing is clear for this blogger, it is my job as a Soldier for the Kingdom of God and the follower of my King Jesus Christ, that I take all that God has chosen or rather, that I chose, and use that to bare great witness to God, His mercy and goodness and ultimately the Hope and Love that come through sincere and faithful obedience to our King. And through that, great Faith can be planted, nurtured, and grown into a mighty oak able to withstand the elements and trials, temptations of this world so that we may enjoy the treasures in store for us in Heaven. I will not shy away from the words Jesus Christ but I will use His wisdom and leading to give me the courage and strength to follow this purposed driven life, always striving to bring glory to the kingdom of God. So, I ask you...are you willing to dig deep within you so that your purposed life will shine as an example of God's faithfulness to you and through you?
Pebble out...
In 2004 I was blessed with the opportunity to be part of a Mission trip to Nicaragua. It was a two week long event filled with extraordinary moments of courage, faith, failure and learning for all who went. I don't think that anyone who went on this journey came back the same as they were before they left. I, on too many occasions to be able to count found myself humbled not just by the trip itself, but through the people I went with and the people we served. When asked which ministry I felt most drawn to participate in, after careful prayer I felt God's leading to be a part of the prison ministry. After spending my entire life in my own self-imposed prison, I truly felt that His purpose for me was to share the real freedom that comes with a relationship with Jesus whether the bars are real or imagined.
When Jesus walked among the masses, they related to him not just because of the many miracles and recitations of scripture come true but also because they connected with him as someone who had experienced their sorrows, joys, struggles and strife. As we go out into the world to share the vision, message and ministry of Christ, I believe the greatest way we can do that is through sharing our common elements of similarity of experiences and that in itself draws others into understanding of the relationship of God the Father with all of His children. When God sent Christ it was the single greatest sacrifice a parent can make for His children. His willingness to allow His heavenly child to come as a man, experience as a man, struggle as a man, love as a man, but to have the wisdom and understanding of the father is beyond the extraordinary...it is the ultimate sacrifice. What parent can not relate to this? What parent would be willing to lose the one for benefit of the many? What child would be so willing to give their life so that their brothers and sisters might know a life beyond this one and so they would be able to share in the glory of God the father into eternity?
When we share our experiences with others, do we do so with a Christ like humility or is to serve an internal need for validation? Or when we share a particular hardship or battle, triumph or blessing are we doing it for self-serving, attention getting reasons? Often it is probably a bit of both. So tonight as I reflect on ministry to the youth God is preparing for me to witness to in whatever way He has decided and is within his will, I ask that you too might reflect on your life, it's challenges and hurdles, good and bad and examine how is it that God has purposed you. A purpose driven life is a life filled with profound meaning and insights; humility and learning; willingness to be out of the spot light and not in it. But one thing is clear for this blogger, it is my job as a Soldier for the Kingdom of God and the follower of my King Jesus Christ, that I take all that God has chosen or rather, that I chose, and use that to bare great witness to God, His mercy and goodness and ultimately the Hope and Love that come through sincere and faithful obedience to our King. And through that, great Faith can be planted, nurtured, and grown into a mighty oak able to withstand the elements and trials, temptations of this world so that we may enjoy the treasures in store for us in Heaven. I will not shy away from the words Jesus Christ but I will use His wisdom and leading to give me the courage and strength to follow this purposed driven life, always striving to bring glory to the kingdom of God. So, I ask you...are you willing to dig deep within you so that your purposed life will shine as an example of God's faithfulness to you and through you?
Pebble out...
Monday, June 28, 2010
JESUS CHRIST- PART iii
Technically this actually my fourth message regarding JC and I am returning to an older post as it would appear that God has it mind for me to surrender up to Him all that I may be coveting, holding onto or not surrendering over to Him, trusting that He will carry my burdens through and through. Today I went to a different church call Church at the Gateway and I have been following this church for months and have actually added them to my facebook page. Last week when I went to a different church I knew immediately it would not be a new home for me. The sermon while at times was aligned with Scripture - at one point it was a resounding NOT in line with scripture and it was at that moment that I knew. However, the reason I even bring it up is because both churches had a similar message. And me being me, I was paying particularly close attention to this as right now since I am still settling in to life here in the apple, which has had many up and down moments, I needed to know what God needed for me to do. Regardless of where I go, there will always be a message that will speak to our hearts if we have hearts open to hear Him. When Surrender was the message 2 Sunday's in a row, I felt keenly a tug at my heart by the Holy Spirit. Surrendering is no simple task.
As in an earlier post, Surrending ourselves to God in ALL areas of our lives doesn't just require enormous faith and trust in the unseen, but also courage and strength to actually walk it. So what did Jesus do when he knew he was chosen by the Father to die so that we may know life? He obeyed. Always seeking God's will over our own desires of the flesh is a near impossible bit of business. We are human and will err over and over. But as we surrender to God each obstacle or thing that we hang on to, we often lose or miss the blessing in doing so. I love how God always delights me with His attention to detail. Perhaps that is why I have so much faith and trust in what I cannot see. The connection between the heart and the head is a mere 19 inches give or take; and while there are millions out there who believe in Jesus Christ, there are millions more that do not. One reason I believe is because we walk in a place of fear, or pride, or desire, or intellectualization. Now I can sit here and point out the flaws in every one of those things but that is beside my point.
When we fail to allow God to work in our lives or as we watch Him work in the lives of others, we often see sacrifice, sometimes great pain and heartache, and at other times genuine Faith, Hope and Love overflowing from believers every where. When we lay our lives at the Feet of Jesus, in essence we are asking "Lord, take me as I am, this lump of clay and help me to become the wonderful child of God you have always desired from me, from all your children. What parent does not delight deep within themselves because their child goes on to achieve a life of prosperity, provisioning, developing wisdom and sharing love and understanding with all they do? What parent would not give their eye teeth to watch the fruit of their labors succeed in life, in love, and in faith? But in order to get there Surrendering our darkest most hidden desires is a difficult task. It requires immense Trust. And in the world we live in, trusting in people is become more and more difficult to find and recognize.
How do we surrender our selves without fear to Jesus Christ? Well, first we need to learn and grow in the Word. By studying the bible we gain insight and understanding, we see the parallels between the Old and New Testament and how they do not contradict each other. We begin to develop friendships and have fellowship with other believers, but also non believers - because it is through Christ living in us that we shine bright to others. But most important to Surrendering to God the father, we must learn to be obedient and that requires that we become a new creation in Christ. We are shedding our old life for a life far more bountiful and bearing much more fruit that if we are without Him.
But there is one element I have deliberately left out and that is the surrendering of CONTROL. First and foremost control is only a perception. Ultimately we do not have control over anything but our own actions, words and deeds. Control is a powerful motivator and one that stands as a great hurdle for all of us. How do we find a place in our hearts to wildly abandon what we believe our needs are and how we get them for something that requires the simple act of Faith? We do that by developing a heart like Jesus. We recognize that control is merely perceived and not achieved. I have learned over the past 10 years, through some very hard lessons, lessons that have been hard hitting and life changing, that I control absolutely nothing but how I react, respond and choose. And in those 3 areas is where the challenge lies because we are so determined to believe we can do it in our own strength. However, I have countless experiences I could share here that prove this very idea or concept.
The harder we try to manipulate and control things the more tenuous the balance becomes. It is like building a house of cards. Eventually, the cards cannot withstand the weight of all the cards above and therefore tumbles to the ground. When we try to control others, our lives to the point of or sacrifice of what is important for what we believe to be important, we lose sight of this very fact. As I grew to give my life over to God completely, and it is a struggle every single day with the flesh, the more control I give him over my life...interestingly enough I gain more control than if I had tried to do it in my flesh. I remember when I first started to do this, I was just in awe and amazement to see how things and situations seem to just fall into place as I let go, and LET GOD!
As the mission to serve our youth that are so important, takes shape, this is one area that I must trust GOD most with. I can do nothing in my flesh but be a faithful servant - He does the changing, I am simply a vessel at a time and season where he wants me to me - so that His WILL be done. So tomorrow, as you go out and walk through your day, I challenge you to try not to control any aspect of your day. Give the day to God and for 24 hours watch how he aligns everything perfectly to His will...in some cases it may not appear to be a blessing but if you look very closely, you WILL find it. If you ask Him, He will hear. If you ask Him, He will answer. And if you obey, He is faithful to His word to bring us blessing upon blessing.
Pebble out....
The harder we try to manipulate and control things the more tenuous the balance becomes. It is like building a house of cards. Eventually, the cards cannot withstand the weight of all the cards above and therefore tumbles to the ground. When we try to control others, our lives to the point of or sacrifice of what is important for what we believe to be important, we lose sight of this very fact. As I grew to give my life over to God completely, and it is a struggle every single day with the flesh, the more control I give him over my life...interestingly enough I gain more control than if I had tried to do it in my flesh. I remember when I first started to do this, I was just in awe and amazement to see how things and situations seem to just fall into place as I let go, and LET GOD!
As the mission to serve our youth that are so important, takes shape, this is one area that I must trust GOD most with. I can do nothing in my flesh but be a faithful servant - He does the changing, I am simply a vessel at a time and season where he wants me to me - so that His WILL be done. So tomorrow, as you go out and walk through your day, I challenge you to try not to control any aspect of your day. Give the day to God and for 24 hours watch how he aligns everything perfectly to His will...in some cases it may not appear to be a blessing but if you look very closely, you WILL find it. If you ask Him, He will hear. If you ask Him, He will answer. And if you obey, He is faithful to His word to bring us blessing upon blessing.
Pebble out....
Saturday, June 26, 2010
JESUS CHRIST
When I was a little girl I experienced and saw things that no child should see or experience. As with any child who experiences great tragedy, abuse and pain, for many years I held onto it as if it were a warm fire on a cold evening. We blanket ourselves to protect the inside from crumbling. My mother, a devout (to the extreme) Catholic struggled with a variety of both physical and mental illnesses. She did not hesitate ever, that I can remember, to take the joy out of some of the most innocent child like moments that come along. The flip side, was her intense guilt after every episode, and they were constant and many, was her incredible way of making each of us feel uniquely special. Now, I don't know about you but this mixed messaging can really screw you up. You develop insecurities and shame, where none should be. Fear of being abandon, and this was one of her biggest weapons, creeps in as an adult and rather than realize that it is unfounded and not real, you end up pushing people away through your own bad behavior because deep down inside you feel that you don't deserve anything, you are worthless.
But in spite of all the heartache and abuse, she gave us each something that could never be taken away. She introduced us to Jesus Christ. Now back then, early 60's, Catholicism was not what it is today. Strict adherence to "the rules" and "paying penance" and atonement were more the norm. Well, as you can imagine, being a young child and getting all these mixed messages and signals in both family life and in a developing spiritual one..it was confusing. How do you discern truth from lie? What is real and what is merely a perception? Who isGod? And if he is this all loving God then why does he allow for bad things to happen to good people? I mean really, I was a mere baby with siblings below and above - we all we just kids trying to survive in an unimaginable situation and growing up at the same time. With Dad off working to support a family of 7 kids and a wife, it never surprised me that he was oblivious to the goings on in his absence. I remember I used to read my bible a lot. I enjoyed going to church but often found myself nodding off. And up until the tender age of 12 or 13, I think I really believed God was there.
Throughout my life, I have been blessed with some incredible WOW moments of Blessing~! Not just ordinary every day blessings, not that any blessing is ordinary, but the kind of blessings that make you go WOW, way to go GOD! Now since I have shared so much of this stuff previously I will not take up space or your time in discussing the many times he saved my sorry butt. So tonight I want to share with you the Miracle of Jesus, the Miracle within every blessing and a foundation of WHO Christ is, through my eyes. I began this last night knowing this might be a several day blog. Because to try and even capture the essence of my BFF, my King, my Savior, I would need time.
Jesus Christ has rescued me from so many fires, where walls were crumbling around me and defeat appeared to be imminent. He has saved me from myself on 2 occasions, and saved me on 3 others from others. He has watched me since before I was even out of the womb and He knew who my parents would be, what my mother would do, what my father wouldn't do and the trials from day one to present. His word tells me He is my protector, my redeemer, my healer. He has kept me safe because he knew one day, according to HIS plan despite my best efforts to foil them, I would become the Daughter of Her King. That I would go on to serve in whatever way He wanted me to and that somehow in this inept and measly body and self I would bring glory to the Kingdom of Heaven.
When I had not filed taxes in a number of years and was getting my life in order, I was blessed with incredible IRS agents and State of Oregon agents that would not only be men and women of faith but who recognized the desire in me to turn my life into something that would honor God. When I gave up alcohol, a time of panic for me, He was there every step of the way - He was my AA. When I was hospitalized for what I thought was a potential heart attack and the bill was to the tune of $14000.00, he was there as I filled out the financial assistance paperwork reminding me to be truthful and not to worry, He was at the wheel. And, He was indeed...I was blessed to the tune of $14000.00 in assistance from the Hospital - they wrote off the whole amount. As I drew closer and closer to our incredible God, miracles began happening every day, within me - around me and through me. I was lit up like a candle stick with heavenly joy and wanted to shout it from roof tops and share what I had come to know to be the truth.
At times of my deepest loneliness and loss, while He was silent and grieving with me, He WAS there. He taught me accountability and respect; the meaning of integrity and purpose; what Love is and more importantly, WHAT IT IS NOT. He graced my life for the past 10 years with the most amazing friends that He used to help mold and shape me, according to His will and not my own. Jesus doesn't force us to do anything. He doesn't cajole or trick us at all. He makes no false promises and never ever have I not felt Him near me. His word brings comfort and peace, joy and harmony to a world filled with chaos and disorder. Our times are as bad as they were during the time of Sodom and Gomorra, perhaps worse. Yet, at every twist and turn there He stands. I have watched the blessings and miracles in the lives of those I love and even those I am not so crazy about but love anyway. I have also watched as those who have no heart fixed toward heaven, faith or Jesus gain more and more and watched as those who devote their lives to him struggle with less and less. Yet they are the happiest of the 2 groups. Someone who has not come to receive and know Jesus might scoff or use intellect to validate their lack of belief rather than stand or sit, and have a meaningful conversation with someone like me...or my friends.
Last October, God's greatest blessing came when my brother took a few moments and stopped and prayed for me with his mom. For the past ten years I have been blessed with prayers that are in the thousands, maybe even tens of thousands because Jesus is in their hearts, their lives and will be throughout eternity, through their love I learned love. Through the trust I have learned through His faithfulness to me, I am able to give immeasurably of myself and what I have because He has taught me what is of value. Through Jesus, my BFF I have peace and joy, hope and faith and a bounty of Love that I pray will bless others and I can be what He purposed me to be for Him.
Jesus is who He says he is. It is undeniable and without question in this believer's heart the Healer of all things that need healing in our lives. In my family we all turned out to be survivors, fighting the battles to keep sane, control and order. Each of us channel it differently and for different reasons. Some are still holding onto the hurts and bruises that their hearts and minds endured and causes them great moments of distress, loneliness and heartache. When I got here to NY on my second day, I went to the cemetery where my mother is buried. It amazed me that I even remembered where her tombstone was as I walked directly to it. Years earlier I would look upon her headstone and I was filled with doubt and fear, anger and maybe even hate. But as I stood there looking down, the tears streaming down my cheeks in the warm afternoon air, my heart was no longer battered and bruised but rather, it was filled with love and forgiveness. Another one of the amazing blessings over the years - Forgiveness. And not conditional forgiveness but real forgiveness. Because of Jesus I could remember my mother not as who she was but who God wanted her to be, and who she was in her belief. Mental Illness is a tragedy for so many people. It is killing men and women daily. It is killing our children.
When a child loses hope, the enemy creeps in and takes over. The abyss they crawl into is almost impossible to get out of. It is terrifying for me to imagine now, it is terrifying to our kids today. But there is an answer, a choice that can, will and does make a difference. Jesus Christ is a God of Love. Pure and Simple. He is sits patiently waiting for us to come to him, not forcing us to do anything but invite him into our lives and hearts. He is patient and kind, compassionate and full of grace. And His mercy, that is the real beauty of His love...it is unfailing mercy because of His unconditional love that sustains us when we are left feeling hopeless and alone. We cannot do ANYTHING ever ever ever, to lose His love and receive His mercy. What if we could bring that to our kids? What if we were to spend some time with these young hearts searching for their purpose and Hope in life. We live in an unforgiving world, but we do not have an unforgiving answer. We have Jesus.
As I purpose through to the finish line of this race and task that God has given me, I pray that those of you who read this blog will think to share it with a struggling teen or hurting kid. I have endless stories of unfailing love and forgiveness, but time has come to "pay it forward"..won't you? When I arrived here I was leery of the area and concerned for my well being and safety. Not quite a month later, I find myself saying Hi to my neighbors, something they are not used to. I find myself being blessed with kindness and love at every turn. And the only thing I can think to do is to give it back to someone else...pass this to a teen you know because maybe to you they don't seem in trouble but they might be. Or maybe they know someone who is, and they aren't sure how to reach out to that young life, friend, or whatever so use me. Use my heart to serve our kids all over, giving them Faith, Hope and Love in a way that in their heart of hearts they so desperately want and need.
Unconditionally pebble out...
But in spite of all the heartache and abuse, she gave us each something that could never be taken away. She introduced us to Jesus Christ. Now back then, early 60's, Catholicism was not what it is today. Strict adherence to "the rules" and "paying penance" and atonement were more the norm. Well, as you can imagine, being a young child and getting all these mixed messages and signals in both family life and in a developing spiritual one..it was confusing. How do you discern truth from lie? What is real and what is merely a perception? Who isGod? And if he is this all loving God then why does he allow for bad things to happen to good people? I mean really, I was a mere baby with siblings below and above - we all we just kids trying to survive in an unimaginable situation and growing up at the same time. With Dad off working to support a family of 7 kids and a wife, it never surprised me that he was oblivious to the goings on in his absence. I remember I used to read my bible a lot. I enjoyed going to church but often found myself nodding off. And up until the tender age of 12 or 13, I think I really believed God was there.
Throughout my life, I have been blessed with some incredible WOW moments of Blessing~! Not just ordinary every day blessings, not that any blessing is ordinary, but the kind of blessings that make you go WOW, way to go GOD! Now since I have shared so much of this stuff previously I will not take up space or your time in discussing the many times he saved my sorry butt. So tonight I want to share with you the Miracle of Jesus, the Miracle within every blessing and a foundation of WHO Christ is, through my eyes. I began this last night knowing this might be a several day blog. Because to try and even capture the essence of my BFF, my King, my Savior, I would need time.
Jesus Christ has rescued me from so many fires, where walls were crumbling around me and defeat appeared to be imminent. He has saved me from myself on 2 occasions, and saved me on 3 others from others. He has watched me since before I was even out of the womb and He knew who my parents would be, what my mother would do, what my father wouldn't do and the trials from day one to present. His word tells me He is my protector, my redeemer, my healer. He has kept me safe because he knew one day, according to HIS plan despite my best efforts to foil them, I would become the Daughter of Her King. That I would go on to serve in whatever way He wanted me to and that somehow in this inept and measly body and self I would bring glory to the Kingdom of Heaven.
When I had not filed taxes in a number of years and was getting my life in order, I was blessed with incredible IRS agents and State of Oregon agents that would not only be men and women of faith but who recognized the desire in me to turn my life into something that would honor God. When I gave up alcohol, a time of panic for me, He was there every step of the way - He was my AA. When I was hospitalized for what I thought was a potential heart attack and the bill was to the tune of $14000.00, he was there as I filled out the financial assistance paperwork reminding me to be truthful and not to worry, He was at the wheel. And, He was indeed...I was blessed to the tune of $14000.00 in assistance from the Hospital - they wrote off the whole amount. As I drew closer and closer to our incredible God, miracles began happening every day, within me - around me and through me. I was lit up like a candle stick with heavenly joy and wanted to shout it from roof tops and share what I had come to know to be the truth.
At times of my deepest loneliness and loss, while He was silent and grieving with me, He WAS there. He taught me accountability and respect; the meaning of integrity and purpose; what Love is and more importantly, WHAT IT IS NOT. He graced my life for the past 10 years with the most amazing friends that He used to help mold and shape me, according to His will and not my own. Jesus doesn't force us to do anything. He doesn't cajole or trick us at all. He makes no false promises and never ever have I not felt Him near me. His word brings comfort and peace, joy and harmony to a world filled with chaos and disorder. Our times are as bad as they were during the time of Sodom and Gomorra, perhaps worse. Yet, at every twist and turn there He stands. I have watched the blessings and miracles in the lives of those I love and even those I am not so crazy about but love anyway. I have also watched as those who have no heart fixed toward heaven, faith or Jesus gain more and more and watched as those who devote their lives to him struggle with less and less. Yet they are the happiest of the 2 groups. Someone who has not come to receive and know Jesus might scoff or use intellect to validate their lack of belief rather than stand or sit, and have a meaningful conversation with someone like me...or my friends.
Last October, God's greatest blessing came when my brother took a few moments and stopped and prayed for me with his mom. For the past ten years I have been blessed with prayers that are in the thousands, maybe even tens of thousands because Jesus is in their hearts, their lives and will be throughout eternity, through their love I learned love. Through the trust I have learned through His faithfulness to me, I am able to give immeasurably of myself and what I have because He has taught me what is of value. Through Jesus, my BFF I have peace and joy, hope and faith and a bounty of Love that I pray will bless others and I can be what He purposed me to be for Him.
Jesus is who He says he is. It is undeniable and without question in this believer's heart the Healer of all things that need healing in our lives. In my family we all turned out to be survivors, fighting the battles to keep sane, control and order. Each of us channel it differently and for different reasons. Some are still holding onto the hurts and bruises that their hearts and minds endured and causes them great moments of distress, loneliness and heartache. When I got here to NY on my second day, I went to the cemetery where my mother is buried. It amazed me that I even remembered where her tombstone was as I walked directly to it. Years earlier I would look upon her headstone and I was filled with doubt and fear, anger and maybe even hate. But as I stood there looking down, the tears streaming down my cheeks in the warm afternoon air, my heart was no longer battered and bruised but rather, it was filled with love and forgiveness. Another one of the amazing blessings over the years - Forgiveness. And not conditional forgiveness but real forgiveness. Because of Jesus I could remember my mother not as who she was but who God wanted her to be, and who she was in her belief. Mental Illness is a tragedy for so many people. It is killing men and women daily. It is killing our children.
When a child loses hope, the enemy creeps in and takes over. The abyss they crawl into is almost impossible to get out of. It is terrifying for me to imagine now, it is terrifying to our kids today. But there is an answer, a choice that can, will and does make a difference. Jesus Christ is a God of Love. Pure and Simple. He is sits patiently waiting for us to come to him, not forcing us to do anything but invite him into our lives and hearts. He is patient and kind, compassionate and full of grace. And His mercy, that is the real beauty of His love...it is unfailing mercy because of His unconditional love that sustains us when we are left feeling hopeless and alone. We cannot do ANYTHING ever ever ever, to lose His love and receive His mercy. What if we could bring that to our kids? What if we were to spend some time with these young hearts searching for their purpose and Hope in life. We live in an unforgiving world, but we do not have an unforgiving answer. We have Jesus.
As I purpose through to the finish line of this race and task that God has given me, I pray that those of you who read this blog will think to share it with a struggling teen or hurting kid. I have endless stories of unfailing love and forgiveness, but time has come to "pay it forward"..won't you? When I arrived here I was leery of the area and concerned for my well being and safety. Not quite a month later, I find myself saying Hi to my neighbors, something they are not used to. I find myself being blessed with kindness and love at every turn. And the only thing I can think to do is to give it back to someone else...pass this to a teen you know because maybe to you they don't seem in trouble but they might be. Or maybe they know someone who is, and they aren't sure how to reach out to that young life, friend, or whatever so use me. Use my heart to serve our kids all over, giving them Faith, Hope and Love in a way that in their heart of hearts they so desperately want and need.
Unconditionally pebble out...
Friday, June 25, 2010
BFF
Today is a special today because God laid it on my heart yesterday what my next blog should be. Unfortunately, I worked so late last night and came home to computer problems that it has had to wait a day, which perhaps may be exactly what was supposed to happen. First, as everyone is aware, I made this dramatic and drastic change so that I might build the infrastructure and awareness of BFF International to wherever God leads it. As well, everyone knows that the BFF stands for Breiter Futures Foundation building up today's youth, through Faith, Hope and Love, for Brighter Tomorrows.
For a moment however, I would like to draw your attention to the BFF slang and text terminology used today by almost every kid from 5 to 25 and over even. BFF stands for Best Friends Forever for those that do not know. It is also I think so fitting that as God whispered in my ears to start this organization that His sense of humor but also His keen involvement in the lives of all His children should so aptly be applied in the naming of this foundation. The Mission Statement itself just makes me giggle every time I think of it or share it because, even in the naming of the foundation, God once again focused on the Vision and through a play on words here and there, creates immediate interest wherever I go and share with whomever about this important task God has begun.
So tonight, I want to share with you about my dearest and closest friend,- my BFF. He is by far the single most inspirational friend I have ever had. He inspires me to grow at every step or mis-step, When I am weary from the long days or endless, and at times, the insurmountable obstacles I face, he is always there to lift me up and be my cheerleader. His warmth and compassion, love and friendship, honesty and integrity never cease to amaze me and bring me to my knees in gratefulness and humility. He is the first one to give me truth when I need it and the first one to hold me when I get it and can't deal or don't want to deal with it.
Long days, sleepless nights, he is always there to help bring a refreshing to me when I grow weary from the obstacles I face from the world around me. His tenderness and love, arms opened at all times to shelter me from even myself, is a one of the many tangible markers that he delivers flawlessly. Every detail attended to when called upon, he is there to help me manage and support me, even as I want to give up. We;ve known each other forever it seems, and yet each day he shows me something new that I have not seen or understood before.
So I wanted to put a name to the face of my BFF - His name is Jesus Christ.. As Jesus sits at the thrown, I love to sit at his feet and listen, watch, learn, heal, be joyful, be at rest, find comfort and peace when I am in chaos and unsettlement, Jesus, maker of my soul, the sacrifice for me, for you and all who choose to follow him, he is the ULTIMATE BFF - so once again, as I love to point out - God has such a terrific sense of humor, delight and the ultimate visionary when you look at it from where I sit. I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me! My BFF, Jesus gives me a heart and body, mind and spirit that is not filled with fear or remorse and regret...no He has given me righteousness before the Father, my BFF - YOUR BFF sits besides the Father and intercedes on our behalf when satan tries to remind God of this thing I did wrong or that one. My BFF is my shield, my rock and my redeemer - and I am so unworthy of that redemption in my eyes - BUT ONLY IN MY EYES. In his eyes, Jesus, BFF to the world I am made pure and whole when I invite him into my foyer, to the living room we sit, and shares with me intimately his love and devotion to me and to all of you.
How many of us can walk through our lives KNOWING that our BFF is ready to take a bullet for us, go to bat for us during good times and bad; a BFF with so much unconditional love that it covers us like a warm fuzzy blanket. His blood is not a marker of my sinful nature but a symbol of His love for me, his BFF. Jesus Christ is the commander of this fleet we call humanity., satan may rule the world but out BFF protects us from the lies and falsehoods that our enemies would use to tear us down, including the enemy within us that so desperately longs to be at rest, unashamed, repentant, pure as a baby lamb and filled with a knowledge and understanding, that can only come from the most precious of places...from the heart of Jesus.
So as you read this, as you ponder the possibilities and absolute blessings that abide in everything no matter the circumstance - good or bad, meditate for a moment on the depth, the width and the breadth of the love and compassion your BFF has for you, wants to give to you and will always have for you. I will always profess openly my love for Jesus, my BFF....I will, at times, be afraid and unsure - but there he stands before me - with arms wide open, tender to cradle my hurts and wounds, fears and disappointments, dreams and passions not yet known...my BFF is at the ready with the Sword of the Spirit, Shield of Faith, the Belt of Truth and always with hos fee firmly fitted in the gospel of God's grace and fight my battles, applaud my triumphs and never not ever will he fail me.
I have been blessed in this time of my life beyond measure and certainly more that I deserve, but at the end of the day, as I lay my head on his shoulders and share of my heart and hurts, joys and determination to serve Him as he so unfailingly serves me and all of us, I will smile and know that all that this journey has brought and is yet to be, will be always well lit by the greatest BFF known to man.
Today, you can make a decision to be a part of Him, making him your BFF - you don't have to go out and do good deeds all over the place, he will not ask you to give up your bad habits or living right but when you choose Him over the world you are choosing life over death, and Love over everything else.
Jesus, I love you I pray that others will come to know you if only through experiencing the peace and joy within me for you, his BFF. If but one person comes to healing through our Savior and King from these pages then I have been the BFF to Jesus.,,today will choose life over death? Will you choose to have a close and very personal relationship with your BFF or will you turn from heavenly treasures and serve a master that cares not for you or your soul but instead wants to destroy you where you stand?
BFF is not just Breiter Futures Foundation. BFF is about the ultimate relationship you will ever have! What will you choose?
pebble out....
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
DETERMINATION
Determination is an excellent characteristic or personality trait to have, as it leaves the world of opportunities at your feet. Determination can be fueled by good or bad intentions, by faith or lack of...but mostly determination is part of the drive that gives every living being the desire to move beyond perceived limitations or opportunity.
Telling a child that they can't do something and nine out ten times, that kid is going to be bound and determined to do the exact opposite of what you tell them. Tell an athlete that they can't achieve some athletic marker of success and I am am certain they will turn around and prove you wrong. Determination is part of what makes or breaks failure or success. And sometimes, determination that brings a successful outcome, one that may not be the most honorable or bearing fruit, can destroy you.
As I prayed for months over the decision to move here to NYC, I was determined to not stop praying for God's will and divine plan to reveal itself. I had no idea what or how I would pull it off much less not have a nervous breakdown in the process. There were so many hurdles that would need to be overcome, obstacles that could potentially arise, and of course, what If I didn't hear correctly God's plan. But through determination and sacrifice, prayer and courage that I can only say came from God, I pulled off something truly amazing. Was I determined to walk by Faith, with great Hope in my heart and the kind of determined Love for others to dare to make a difference? To all the above I say Yes!
What if we could demonstrate that kind of faithful determination of Faith, Hope and Love to kids everywhere simply through the determination to them give more than empty words and false promises. How would that look? What would be the fruit of such an act or actions? Where do we need to look to find that within ourselves to give unconditionally to others? Last I checked there is only one place I have ever found that kind of strength and courage, through Jesus Christ. I can guarantee you, in no uncertain terms, that I could not have achieved this most recent goal without Him and His hand in every moment of it. Through the determined prayers of friends and family, I believe that God opened every door on every leg of the this new journey.
He took away one job and the very next day replaced with something better! Now I got a lot of experience in a lot of arena's but frankly this singular event could be nothing more than a determined God to provide for His faithful child. My intentions, while always for the right reasons, with no malice or hurt intended ever, are determined to bring the glory and attention to God..as it should be. As I sit here writing, I am determined to see it through no what the sacrifice or the price tag it carries. Because I am determined to serve these kids, the youth of today with the passion and fervor that comes from the knowledge that it is because of God's determination to Love us unconditionally, giving us eternal grace and mercy, new everyday...that we Will succeed at BFF International. We are determined and in that determination we will watch and wait for God's leading to light our way and clear the path so that His Vision for this foundation will be achieved.
Everyone keeps telling me that what I have done is amazing or how brave and courageous I have been along he way...but the truth be told, while this type of transition is fraught with hardships, challenges and intense moments of fear...all that means nothing when I look into the eyes of a child who has received, is receiving Christ's Love through me.
Pebble out...Hebrews 11:1
Telling a child that they can't do something and nine out ten times, that kid is going to be bound and determined to do the exact opposite of what you tell them. Tell an athlete that they can't achieve some athletic marker of success and I am am certain they will turn around and prove you wrong. Determination is part of what makes or breaks failure or success. And sometimes, determination that brings a successful outcome, one that may not be the most honorable or bearing fruit, can destroy you.
As I prayed for months over the decision to move here to NYC, I was determined to not stop praying for God's will and divine plan to reveal itself. I had no idea what or how I would pull it off much less not have a nervous breakdown in the process. There were so many hurdles that would need to be overcome, obstacles that could potentially arise, and of course, what If I didn't hear correctly God's plan. But through determination and sacrifice, prayer and courage that I can only say came from God, I pulled off something truly amazing. Was I determined to walk by Faith, with great Hope in my heart and the kind of determined Love for others to dare to make a difference? To all the above I say Yes!
What if we could demonstrate that kind of faithful determination of Faith, Hope and Love to kids everywhere simply through the determination to them give more than empty words and false promises. How would that look? What would be the fruit of such an act or actions? Where do we need to look to find that within ourselves to give unconditionally to others? Last I checked there is only one place I have ever found that kind of strength and courage, through Jesus Christ. I can guarantee you, in no uncertain terms, that I could not have achieved this most recent goal without Him and His hand in every moment of it. Through the determined prayers of friends and family, I believe that God opened every door on every leg of the this new journey.
He took away one job and the very next day replaced with something better! Now I got a lot of experience in a lot of arena's but frankly this singular event could be nothing more than a determined God to provide for His faithful child. My intentions, while always for the right reasons, with no malice or hurt intended ever, are determined to bring the glory and attention to God..as it should be. As I sit here writing, I am determined to see it through no what the sacrifice or the price tag it carries. Because I am determined to serve these kids, the youth of today with the passion and fervor that comes from the knowledge that it is because of God's determination to Love us unconditionally, giving us eternal grace and mercy, new everyday...that we Will succeed at BFF International. We are determined and in that determination we will watch and wait for God's leading to light our way and clear the path so that His Vision for this foundation will be achieved.
Everyone keeps telling me that what I have done is amazing or how brave and courageous I have been along he way...but the truth be told, while this type of transition is fraught with hardships, challenges and intense moments of fear...all that means nothing when I look into the eyes of a child who has received, is receiving Christ's Love through me.
Pebble out...Hebrews 11:1
Sunday, June 20, 2010
SURRENDER
The biggest reason, I believe, that people fight the existence of God or have Faith is that it requires that we all surrender or die to our sin nature and become reborn in our Christ nature, as God intends. The reason that this is an incredible challenge for each and every one of us is because it requires that we change or let go or give up behavior, lifestyles, bad thinking, and everything else you can imagine. But the truth of the matter is we gain more Freedom in Christ than we lose.
Most of us don't want to give up our bad habits, the things WE KNOW are not good for us emotionally, physically, psychologically and spiritually. We are that SELF absorbed in ourselves that we miss getting the message of what Christ stands for, what Faith is, how Hope is encouraged and fostered and what makes LOVE the most complex yet perfect gift we can share with each other. Today as I sat in a new church for the first time, I listened, and my heart was not in the service - its Father's Day so pastors all over the US are preaching Fatherly messages. I was also very much distracted by my conversation earlier before service with God as I prayed for someone I know. As I cried because I knew what needed to happen for this person, anguish took over because the sacrifice is so great.
How do we learn to surrender when we are not willing to release ourselves from trying to control everything or everyone? Faith is a curious thing, in that those that have deep and profound Faith seem to stumble and fall just like those without it; we make huge mistakes that sometimes we don't realize impact the lives of others and our own. And we see those without Faith gain so much worldly riches and good fortune. So to the naked eye and the questioning heart why bother with Faith and God at all? It seems the evil and bad prosper while millions of others with Faith suffer in unimaginable ways.
The other greatest reason we shun Faith and God, is because we believe so much in ourselves and our own ability that we cannot possibly imagine that there might be something greater then us. How arrogant and prideful we are as people to believe that there is not a creator of the heavens and the earth. Scientists have proven time after time, and some have even come to a relationship with God, that there must be a GOD because there are so many millions of oddities in nature, complexities in the human body and the vastness of the Universe. Linear minded folks usually have the hardest time with faith, in my opinion. Because for linear minded people, math genius' and the like, they cannot come up with an equation that makes it fit so they create something to make it fit...which as any math person knows, you can't do because numbers don't lie. So if numbers don't lie and you can't make up the equation what do you do?
Well most of us find something that works and follow the old adage, if it ain't broke why fix it. So along we go on our merry little way and strive to feed our feelings of insignificance with earthly things. And if you are reading this and you don't have faith I would challenge you to look at your life and the choices you make and try to tap into hindsight and I dare you to tell me that I am wrong. I am not being compative, but rather I am trying to challenge my readers to look deep into where they find their significance and examine why they believe that?
When we surrender to God our hearts, our lives...we need to think big picture. We need to examine what His wisdom and word say that are there to help us bear fruit and NOT be a barren Olive tree in the desert. When I chose Christ, I made a conscious mind and heart decision to to my very best to be a good steward of what He has given me, the mercies the grace - all of it, so that I could follow Him. Ironically, what I thought would happen never did...there were no sacrifices because I love God so much that I try to see what is best for right living through His eyes and not my own. Therein lies the Freedom! Am I really benefitting by over spending, over drinking, over XXXXXXXX (you fill in the blank) or am I being a good steward of what God has provided for me? Each time I seek His counsel and wisdom, while I am never surprised by what I hear, but brought to my knees for what I feel. God is an awesome God, a God of Love and Mercy. Who benefits if I go out spend 100 bucks and get drunk, suffering a horrible hangover in the morning? Who benefits if I max out my credit cards to purchase things that I can't even take with me when I die? Who benefits if I continually seek my significance in others, in things, position and power? Just think about it a while - let it settle in to a nice comfy place and think and meditate on it.
For most people surrendering means to give up, fail...However, if you see there the term Give Up...it means to let go of. Are you willing today to let go and let God?
pebble out....
REGRETS
Ever come to a startling realization that as you look back on your life you carry many more regrets than you thought you did. Why didn't I do this or enroll in that? Why did I leave this neighborhood for that one? Why did I waste so many years at the bottom of a bottle, unable to see bottom? The What If's and the Coulda, shoulda woulda's creep in every now and again for all of us. And it seems that as we get older we do it much more frequently than in our youth - which is a duh! moment, of course. But what if (there it is) we were able to start our lives from a place where regrets have no place or meaning because really you can't go back and change it; you can't do anything right now about it; and to fret into the future over things done or not done....We can! And we can share that with others...it is found in the compassion and Love of Jesus Christ.
As I sat with friends tonight, I watched as they interacted - together for more than 30 years, and saw the companionship and friendship. I watched with eyes like Christ and what I would have to do to have such a thing. Then of course, negative and less than fruitful thinking crept in and next thing you know I am wallowing not just in my own self-pity but wondering why? If this topic seems a bit morose or better yet, sounds morose and sad it is because as I sat there and watched and listened and observed, my love and compassion meter rose to a new level.
When I came to know Christ, I came to find my significance comes from but one source and one source only - Jesus!! In Him, I have mercy and grace, love and eternity. In Him, I do not need to look back over my life and regret anything because every mistake, mis-step and every wrong choice, brought me here - where I stand - naked before my King unblemished and white like snow. I am filled with the Living Water and not that of death and decay. I have watched and even still have many friends and family who are unable to find the true Freedom that comes with a relationship with Jesus but instead only see their own inequity, flaws, mistake made and the list is endless.
So as I sit here, filled with a sort of sadness over the choices I made and what may or may not have happened had I chose differently...I need to remind myself that regardless of what the world sees, says or does, at the end of the day what matters is how I make my choices now and where I seek my counsel and choose to heed the wisdom that is given me. I am reminded of Solomon and the two mothers fighting over the baby. And how he calls to split the child in two, giving equal share to the other. But, horrified by this one of the mothers cries out "Stop" do not split this child in two as surely he will die. Give the child to the other womanr. At this Solomon said that she should take the infant, as truly if she were his mother what she had just done demonstrated her love for that small infant. Only a mother would behave this way.
Well, I think that sometimes when we make our choices through life we need perhaps choose things more wisely, with our eyes looking up and not out - just so that we can see the difference between Sacrifice and Love. I am probably almost never going to always quote scripture or bible thump anyone, but I will always try to relay His heart for His children through my stories or insights or just plain ramblings. While I have regretted much of what I have done, in the heat of the moment, I look up and He reminds me that I am significant because of my relationship with Christ and how everything along the way was like adding seasonings to a fine gourmet dish. A little of this, a little of that and then next thing you know you are a creation totally different than you were. I like to call it being on the wheel..the Potter's wheel.
He brings to where we are through the lives and choices we have lived or made. He loves where we were, He loves us where we stand now and He will love us through every mistake, every triumph and every hurdle we face. In that there is no regret. However, some times you just might find yourself struggling with what you want to do and what He wants you to do! He is the ultimate Father of the Year. Making the hard choices - it is one of the most difficult things we do and when we step out on faith and rather than choose the flesh, we must remember that one day in the not to distant future...a consequence, a price as it were, will need to be faced.
There is only one way I know of to avoid living in a life filled with regrets and disappointment - it is to live a life in Christ, choosing the high road over the easy or tempting one. I also know it is the hardest walk you will ever make...because to be true to Jesus is to walk in the open and not in darkness. I could quote or list passage after passage but all in - it isn't about living right it is about right living...2 totally different things. One makes it about Him - the other makes it about me.
pebble out....
As I sat with friends tonight, I watched as they interacted - together for more than 30 years, and saw the companionship and friendship. I watched with eyes like Christ and what I would have to do to have such a thing. Then of course, negative and less than fruitful thinking crept in and next thing you know I am wallowing not just in my own self-pity but wondering why? If this topic seems a bit morose or better yet, sounds morose and sad it is because as I sat there and watched and listened and observed, my love and compassion meter rose to a new level.
When I came to know Christ, I came to find my significance comes from but one source and one source only - Jesus!! In Him, I have mercy and grace, love and eternity. In Him, I do not need to look back over my life and regret anything because every mistake, mis-step and every wrong choice, brought me here - where I stand - naked before my King unblemished and white like snow. I am filled with the Living Water and not that of death and decay. I have watched and even still have many friends and family who are unable to find the true Freedom that comes with a relationship with Jesus but instead only see their own inequity, flaws, mistake made and the list is endless.
So as I sit here, filled with a sort of sadness over the choices I made and what may or may not have happened had I chose differently...I need to remind myself that regardless of what the world sees, says or does, at the end of the day what matters is how I make my choices now and where I seek my counsel and choose to heed the wisdom that is given me. I am reminded of Solomon and the two mothers fighting over the baby. And how he calls to split the child in two, giving equal share to the other. But, horrified by this one of the mothers cries out "Stop" do not split this child in two as surely he will die. Give the child to the other womanr. At this Solomon said that she should take the infant, as truly if she were his mother what she had just done demonstrated her love for that small infant. Only a mother would behave this way.
Well, I think that sometimes when we make our choices through life we need perhaps choose things more wisely, with our eyes looking up and not out - just so that we can see the difference between Sacrifice and Love. I am probably almost never going to always quote scripture or bible thump anyone, but I will always try to relay His heart for His children through my stories or insights or just plain ramblings. While I have regretted much of what I have done, in the heat of the moment, I look up and He reminds me that I am significant because of my relationship with Christ and how everything along the way was like adding seasonings to a fine gourmet dish. A little of this, a little of that and then next thing you know you are a creation totally different than you were. I like to call it being on the wheel..the Potter's wheel.
He brings to where we are through the lives and choices we have lived or made. He loves where we were, He loves us where we stand now and He will love us through every mistake, every triumph and every hurdle we face. In that there is no regret. However, some times you just might find yourself struggling with what you want to do and what He wants you to do! He is the ultimate Father of the Year. Making the hard choices - it is one of the most difficult things we do and when we step out on faith and rather than choose the flesh, we must remember that one day in the not to distant future...a consequence, a price as it were, will need to be faced.
There is only one way I know of to avoid living in a life filled with regrets and disappointment - it is to live a life in Christ, choosing the high road over the easy or tempting one. I also know it is the hardest walk you will ever make...because to be true to Jesus is to walk in the open and not in darkness. I could quote or list passage after passage but all in - it isn't about living right it is about right living...2 totally different things. One makes it about Him - the other makes it about me.
pebble out....
Thursday, June 17, 2010
CHOICES
The last few days have been difficult, as I unexpectedly got a job, on the spot, in a field I have what I like to think as great experience. It came at a time when I had just lost a client back home, which while anticipated, came quicker than I had expected, as well. God being the incredibly awesome God that He is, just took care of things swift as you can take a breathe or blink an eye! And because I really trust God to ultimately provide for my immediate and long term needs, worry did not even come into play. He has blessed this journey in ways unimaginable, and at the times of greatest doubt, filled me with a sense of Peace that when I rest in Him, Trust in Him, rely fully on HIM...anything is possible.
I have been quite reflective of my own sad state of being lately, taking stock at a time of incredible change and turmoil, of sorts. I have spent the better part of 5 months living out of suitcases and boxes and while it is heading into the close of week 3 I find that I am unable to settle in, quite as quickly as I had hoped. Nothing horrific has changed or happened, quite the contrary - everything has gone most smoothly and almost without incident. But the conflict that has me out of sorts is within me and the massive change and choices that I made to embark on this new chapter of what I know will bring others to know Christ as I grow to know Him. Continue to know Him deeper everyday.
When we go into the world with Faith to share as missionaries, and this is a calling - almost not even a choice, we face obstacles that seem insurmountable and like stone walls. Most everyone in the world has some sort of faith, even if it is in nothing at all...which is the most desolate of all faiths, because it is hollow and empty leaving one without purpose. Once a practicing agnostic and atheist and existentialist, I found myself always in conflict with, well everything. I have practiced Buddhism, Catholicism, Lutheran, a dab of Methodist and southern Baptist. I have explored Hinduism and New Ageism and all and all walked away with way too much guilt, selfishness, hollowed out belief in myself over something that is seen but unseen, heard but unheard, tasted but not tasted, breather of life and taker of life.
But within every faith or religion, the talk of choice is not a primary focus on why things occur or why that person died in 9/11 and that one didn't; why some are sent to Iraq and don't return while others return lost, angry, desolate and battered by the ravage of war. Why is it that some people appear to have great success after working hard and being goal centric and others, also working hard never seem to get their heads above water. Why is one child born deaf and another blind, while some are chosen to be destroyed before life outside the womb is ever achieved? I could list a million scenarios but the bottom line is, if you ask any two people one of these questions, you will never get the same answer. As well, I do not believe that a majority of the people out there would ever answer with a resounding "it is because of choices made in my life".
Most of us go through life blaming everything on someone, something, some event that happened in their life that acted as a catalyst leading to future events. And to a great extent that is true. However, also to be acknowledged is that every decision, every choice is going to bring about a change or cataclysmic event that will alter the course and direction of our lives, as WE MAKE THE CHOICE. For some, they play it safe and never move beyond the boundaries of what is safe and easy. Others seem to float through life making bad choices and doing bad things and getting away with it all the time without consequence. And sometimes, people are unable to choose and so their lives are always in flux or chaos, without direction. What all of these share in common are they all share similar fates or outcomes, at least in my opinion. A life without purpose serves only oneself and fails to fill the glass because the glass has no bottom.
Choice is Freedom. We have the freedom to choose good over bad; right over wrong; Faith in God versus no faith in God. Choosing to be stubborn and prideful, versus pliable and humble is a choice that more often than not, brings heartaches, anger, desolation and a myriad of other feelings or things that inevitably fail to fill us up or please our insatiable desire for the I want's or I have's. God, when he created man, gave us Free Will and the Choice to follow our Dad's leading into the safe and sound arms of His Love and Protection. Instead, because HE DID give us the ability and will to choose for ourselves, we chose and that choice has cost man so much over the millenniums. Many would argue this point and while, I respect and will and do love to hear opposing ideas or opinions, please send me a post and I will be delighted to have that open discussion. For the sake of this blog however, the question is the Freedom to Choose.
What makes one man or woman choose to be good while another chooses bad or evil? What makes one child suffer more than another? How can a good and loving God allow for bad things to happen to Good people? Well really, these questions are simply answered with one thing..We were given a choice in the garden, 2 people - the start of humankind - to heed Dad's advice or well - Not. It is really that simple. That one decision, that single CHOICE set in motion a chain of events that to this day, most of us cannot even understand or fathom.
Let me simplify. My Dad gives me a new car. He says I can drive that car anytime I want, I can enjoy it anytime I want but I am not aloud to let ANYONE else drive that car. If I allow anyone else to drive that car it will set in motion a chain of events or consequences not yet known or seen. Well, me being a stubborn and prideful child decide that Dad doesn't know best and I can make my own decisions, and go out one night and let my friend drive my car. Subsequently, my friend runs someone over, causes a head on collision and then wraps us both around a telephone poll. Now, I am lying in the hospital and paralyzed from the waist down, my friend is in a coma, the person they hit is dead and the on car collision had no survivors and had a family of 4 in the car, which included a young infant and a pregnant mother.
As I lie there in the hospital, body, mind and spirit battered and bruised, my Dad walks in and I look at him with scorn and anger and hurt. If he hadn't given me the car, let me drive it whenever instead of putting stricter rules in place, I wouldn't be here. This my friends is the logic so many people in this world use when bad things happen to good people. Let me put it this way - ever trace a conversation over the course of a couple of hours backwards? It's like that. God is our Dad, he created us for His Glory and with the Freedom to choose life over death. Every time we make a choice it WILL and DOES have a consequence that can be devastating or enriching. It is how we decided to make that choice that is the catalyst to reflect on. I chose to let my friend drive the car. I disobeyed my Dad. I chose to do what I wanted rather than think through it and heed the advice and request of my Dad who loves me and wants to look out for me. And the consequence of that choice, that split second decision came with a price tag that can never be paid.
When Jesus Chose to be the Living Sacrifice for us, He knew the consequence of that choice. He was sent specifically for that purpose, to give us redemption - Dad's prideful, stubborn and self-serving children needed something or someone to get our attention and share with us first hand knowledge of the Love of our Father for His children, His Hopes for us and to bring us a glimpse of what Faith can and will do when we choose it!
What will you choose? When do we stop blaming God and begin to reflect inward at the consequences of our sins, our actions and our choices? Everything is a choice and every choice will have a positive or negative consequence...what will you choose?
Pebble out...
What makes one man or woman choose to be good while another chooses bad or evil? What makes one child suffer more than another? How can a good and loving God allow for bad things to happen to Good people? Well really, these questions are simply answered with one thing..We were given a choice in the garden, 2 people - the start of humankind - to heed Dad's advice or well - Not. It is really that simple. That one decision, that single CHOICE set in motion a chain of events that to this day, most of us cannot even understand or fathom.
Let me simplify. My Dad gives me a new car. He says I can drive that car anytime I want, I can enjoy it anytime I want but I am not aloud to let ANYONE else drive that car. If I allow anyone else to drive that car it will set in motion a chain of events or consequences not yet known or seen. Well, me being a stubborn and prideful child decide that Dad doesn't know best and I can make my own decisions, and go out one night and let my friend drive my car. Subsequently, my friend runs someone over, causes a head on collision and then wraps us both around a telephone poll. Now, I am lying in the hospital and paralyzed from the waist down, my friend is in a coma, the person they hit is dead and the on car collision had no survivors and had a family of 4 in the car, which included a young infant and a pregnant mother.
As I lie there in the hospital, body, mind and spirit battered and bruised, my Dad walks in and I look at him with scorn and anger and hurt. If he hadn't given me the car, let me drive it whenever instead of putting stricter rules in place, I wouldn't be here. This my friends is the logic so many people in this world use when bad things happen to good people. Let me put it this way - ever trace a conversation over the course of a couple of hours backwards? It's like that. God is our Dad, he created us for His Glory and with the Freedom to choose life over death. Every time we make a choice it WILL and DOES have a consequence that can be devastating or enriching. It is how we decided to make that choice that is the catalyst to reflect on. I chose to let my friend drive the car. I disobeyed my Dad. I chose to do what I wanted rather than think through it and heed the advice and request of my Dad who loves me and wants to look out for me. And the consequence of that choice, that split second decision came with a price tag that can never be paid.
When Jesus Chose to be the Living Sacrifice for us, He knew the consequence of that choice. He was sent specifically for that purpose, to give us redemption - Dad's prideful, stubborn and self-serving children needed something or someone to get our attention and share with us first hand knowledge of the Love of our Father for His children, His Hopes for us and to bring us a glimpse of what Faith can and will do when we choose it!
What will you choose? When do we stop blaming God and begin to reflect inward at the consequences of our sins, our actions and our choices? Everything is a choice and every choice will have a positive or negative consequence...what will you choose?
Pebble out...
FAILURE
Webster's dictionary defines failure as :http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/failure
Failure is inevitable in our lives as it is with any endeavor where the odds are stacked against the deck. A new job, new relationship, new family, new anything is frought with challenge and can become subject to success or failure. But what is success and failure? Is success only achieved when the goal is met or is success achieved when we measure the goal met? Perhaps you endeavor to go out and save the world and save one, is that a success or a failure? You went out with good intentions of helping as many people as possible but end up helping only the one. Same with failure, you try to weigh out all the scenarios seeking to be a success at the endeavor, dotting your I's and crossing those T's, but at the end of the day, have you truly failed or is it a perception of failure within us? In our humanity we measure both of these intentions or goals either bad or good. No middle ground typically, and if there is any well....did we see it, get there and appreciate that place of middle ground? Where the task was achieved, but the ultimate goal fell short of the mark?
With Faith we often see ourselves as either miserable failures, or getting prideful and think too much of ourselves. And as we mature, and humility is better understood and learned by the believer, there comes a middle ground that can be the ultimate success or ultimate failure in our faith. When I began this journey months ago I had lofty goals and hopes and dreams. Being a logistical person, analytical yet to my dismay many times, far too emotional, I weighed the pros and cons. I mapped the plan, I steadied myself for the course, I looked up and not out or in. I knew that whatever I happened, the captain of my ship would not allow for me to fail if I ran the good race and kept eyes focused on the task and the prize to be (ACTS 20:24). As I continue to do that I find that what is more the challenge, rather than meeting those markers of success or failure, is emotions and my heart.
For kids today the pressures of pass or fail are inevitable, as they were from prior generations. I am constantly reminded, within my own mind only, that failure is often a perception we create for ourselves, based on human measures and understanding and not on how God measures us. The Bible reminds us in Lamentations 3:22-23 "22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." How many of us can offer this to our neighbor, our friend, our family our children. Most parents are excellent at this, but often kids are under so much pressure to succeed and to "please Mom and/or Dad that they build them up into a frenzy of unimaginable proportions and unrealistic goals and expectations. This is a vicious cycle and it needs to be broken and I think now, more than ever parents are working diligently to achieve that.
Not ever having had children, I can only imagine the enormity of that responsibility and everything in between. I cannot even fathom what a parent goes through day, in and day out...but I do respect it, admire wonderful parenting skills that I see so often in friends of mine with their children. But I also see something else. I see the pain and suffering that is going unnoticed. Homelessness among children and teenagers is on the rise. Suicide, depression and self-mutilation are on the rise; drug and alcohol and drug abuse continue to be a problem, just as they were 30, 40, 50 and 60 years ago (and maybe longer); teen trafficking is getting the awareness that we need but as an earlier blog pointed out, these kids are not being equipped with the Armor they need to fight a world that really and truly feels like the modern day Sodom and Gomorra.
Every where we look we are bomblasted by all the wrong messages and rarely many of the right ones. That is not to say that the end is near and in 2012 the world will come to an end. What I am trying to share here is that we all need to take a stand for children locally, nationally, and globally in order to achieve what feels impossible...save lives! And FAILURE is not an option. In moving to NY and setting up my base of ops, I have failed miserably in several key areas - acclimation, communication, over-expectation and grace - but not for others...for myself.
Faced with 4 of the 5 major stressors we can have in our lives, I have been wallowing in my failure to be perfect in making the changes needed in my new environment. I have been running in over drive because I don't want to fail, I don't want to lose sight of the big picture, I do not want to let anyone down....especially these kids and most of all GOD. As time passes, and I begin to settle and the missing of everything loved and familiar changes into new loves and new familiarities, I must give myself the grace and mercy that GOD gives me anew each day. Well, just as you and I need that little friendly reminder - so too do our children.
They need to hear, see and know...feel, that efforts made for the right reasons can not be failures because the only real failure is when we stop trying. When we stop trying to simply Love one another, to fill our friends and family, even those we barely know - to fill them up with words of encouragement and HOPE; and remind ourselves daily that through faith in that which we cannot see we can achieve everything in life regardless of the "life" actualities. Fear and Failure go hand in hand. Through fear we allow a sense of failure to creep in and take hold. THIS IS A LIE AND A TRICK!!! God did not give us a spirit of fear, but one of power and love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7. Do not let the other side win. Failure cannot exist if you stand firmly in your faith, knowing that putting your best effort to the task, with the key elements in place - Faith, Hope and Love...you always will WIN. For it is not the measurement of success or failure on earth that matters...but the measurement by God as we stand before Him, and He turns us around...and tells us "Well done, my good and faithful servant". And as we stand at the shore, with all the pebbles that were thrown and cast into the water, it is then we will know and see our faithfulness in its full and complete glory.
My greatest Prayer for this journey for BFF is that every effort I make, while not necessarily a measurable success by man's standards, ARE always a resounding success by God's!
Pebble out...
Main Entry: fail·urePronunciation: \ˈfāl-yər\Function: nounEtymology: alteration of earlier failer, from Anglo-French, from Old Frenchfaillir to failDate: 16431 a : omission of occurrence or performance; specifically : a failing to perform a duty or expected actionb (1) : a state of inability to perform a normal function <kidney failure > — compare heart failure (2) : an abrupt cessation of normal functioning c : a fracturing or giving way understress
2 a : lack of success b : a failing in business : bankruptcy
3 a : a falling short : deficiency b : deterioration, decay
4 : one that has failed
Failure is inevitable in our lives as it is with any endeavor where the odds are stacked against the deck. A new job, new relationship, new family, new anything is frought with challenge and can become subject to success or failure. But what is success and failure? Is success only achieved when the goal is met or is success achieved when we measure the goal met? Perhaps you endeavor to go out and save the world and save one, is that a success or a failure? You went out with good intentions of helping as many people as possible but end up helping only the one. Same with failure, you try to weigh out all the scenarios seeking to be a success at the endeavor, dotting your I's and crossing those T's, but at the end of the day, have you truly failed or is it a perception of failure within us? In our humanity we measure both of these intentions or goals either bad or good. No middle ground typically, and if there is any well....did we see it, get there and appreciate that place of middle ground? Where the task was achieved, but the ultimate goal fell short of the mark?
With Faith we often see ourselves as either miserable failures, or getting prideful and think too much of ourselves. And as we mature, and humility is better understood and learned by the believer, there comes a middle ground that can be the ultimate success or ultimate failure in our faith. When I began this journey months ago I had lofty goals and hopes and dreams. Being a logistical person, analytical yet to my dismay many times, far too emotional, I weighed the pros and cons. I mapped the plan, I steadied myself for the course, I looked up and not out or in. I knew that whatever I happened, the captain of my ship would not allow for me to fail if I ran the good race and kept eyes focused on the task and the prize to be (ACTS 20:24). As I continue to do that I find that what is more the challenge, rather than meeting those markers of success or failure, is emotions and my heart.
For kids today the pressures of pass or fail are inevitable, as they were from prior generations. I am constantly reminded, within my own mind only, that failure is often a perception we create for ourselves, based on human measures and understanding and not on how God measures us. The Bible reminds us in Lamentations 3:22-23 "22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." How many of us can offer this to our neighbor, our friend, our family our children. Most parents are excellent at this, but often kids are under so much pressure to succeed and to "please Mom and/or Dad that they build them up into a frenzy of unimaginable proportions and unrealistic goals and expectations. This is a vicious cycle and it needs to be broken and I think now, more than ever parents are working diligently to achieve that.
Not ever having had children, I can only imagine the enormity of that responsibility and everything in between. I cannot even fathom what a parent goes through day, in and day out...but I do respect it, admire wonderful parenting skills that I see so often in friends of mine with their children. But I also see something else. I see the pain and suffering that is going unnoticed. Homelessness among children and teenagers is on the rise. Suicide, depression and self-mutilation are on the rise; drug and alcohol and drug abuse continue to be a problem, just as they were 30, 40, 50 and 60 years ago (and maybe longer); teen trafficking is getting the awareness that we need but as an earlier blog pointed out, these kids are not being equipped with the Armor they need to fight a world that really and truly feels like the modern day Sodom and Gomorra.
Every where we look we are bomblasted by all the wrong messages and rarely many of the right ones. That is not to say that the end is near and in 2012 the world will come to an end. What I am trying to share here is that we all need to take a stand for children locally, nationally, and globally in order to achieve what feels impossible...save lives! And FAILURE is not an option. In moving to NY and setting up my base of ops, I have failed miserably in several key areas - acclimation, communication, over-expectation and grace - but not for others...for myself.
Faced with 4 of the 5 major stressors we can have in our lives, I have been wallowing in my failure to be perfect in making the changes needed in my new environment. I have been running in over drive because I don't want to fail, I don't want to lose sight of the big picture, I do not want to let anyone down....especially these kids and most of all GOD. As time passes, and I begin to settle and the missing of everything loved and familiar changes into new loves and new familiarities, I must give myself the grace and mercy that GOD gives me anew each day. Well, just as you and I need that little friendly reminder - so too do our children.
They need to hear, see and know...feel, that efforts made for the right reasons can not be failures because the only real failure is when we stop trying. When we stop trying to simply Love one another, to fill our friends and family, even those we barely know - to fill them up with words of encouragement and HOPE; and remind ourselves daily that through faith in that which we cannot see we can achieve everything in life regardless of the "life" actualities. Fear and Failure go hand in hand. Through fear we allow a sense of failure to creep in and take hold. THIS IS A LIE AND A TRICK!!! God did not give us a spirit of fear, but one of power and love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7. Do not let the other side win. Failure cannot exist if you stand firmly in your faith, knowing that putting your best effort to the task, with the key elements in place - Faith, Hope and Love...you always will WIN. For it is not the measurement of success or failure on earth that matters...but the measurement by God as we stand before Him, and He turns us around...and tells us "Well done, my good and faithful servant". And as we stand at the shore, with all the pebbles that were thrown and cast into the water, it is then we will know and see our faithfulness in its full and complete glory.
My greatest Prayer for this journey for BFF is that every effort I make, while not necessarily a measurable success by man's standards, ARE always a resounding success by God's!
Pebble out...
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