When I first started out on this path 4 months ago, as I began praying about it, searching for God to speak to me in both big and small ways, I had certain expectations. As I continued to focus up and not out, along that path I found myself getting new expectations. Then about 45 days ago, I just asked God to please put me in His Will and not mine. Let the expectations that I have formed become a lump of clay and help me to watch as you build the most beautiful vase or pot from this gray lump of clay. To be on the Potter's Wheel is a wonderful place to be, especially if you are watching without expectation to see the end result. And so slowly, as the wheels turned and turned, and His hand cupped the clay, and said "wait for me" I began to watch His hand mold this journey into something not about me, or my expectations, but what He wants and has chosen for His child, BFF. I have sat and watched and have been encouraged daily, through FB and the various links I have posting daily to my page. And it is funny how it always seems to tie together. I have been encouraged by friends and family. I have been encouraged through just watching the little things that seem to keep popping up before my eyes that feel more like affirmations for this journey.
However, I still have starry eyed expectations. While He has managed to take care of little details important to everyday survival, I must wait patiently as I watch Him take care of the bigger things. But I now have Expectations that are in line for His purposes and not my own. I cannot read into the future and I do not know if I am making a huge mistake or doing the greatest thing I have ever attempted. Heck, most days I am lucky to get my butt out of bed much less, trek across the country in pursuit of Awareness and Raising Money for the BFF. But in my heart, where I search for my intentions and hopes and dreams, I see an organization that is committed to changing the lives of the youth in this country and around the world. I see a vision of Faith Based joining with Secular organizations to improve the condition of kids - kids on the streets, kids struggling with substance abuse, homelessness, and poverty. Kids that are lost. And you know what - no matter what you believe - FAITH CHANGES LIVES.
For those of you who have Faith, you know what I am talking about. Faith builds trust, character, integrity, honesty, selflessness, hope, generosity, forgiveness and most of all Faith BRINGS unconditional Love.
My Expectations when I walked into this small church 10 years ago was self-serving. I worked with a wonderful woman and now, a very dear friend who I wanted to score brownie points with. And there was another young woman who I worked with, and expected to do the same with her. I expected to be ignored, I expected to be judged, I expected to be turned off and feel silly for even going. And I expected that I would win those points. On occasion, between self-destructive behavior and sobriety, I would show up or maybe go to a women's group - they had a bunch. Always - Expecting the worst, or to be rejected or made to feel guilty for not being there, or not giving a tithe - you pick it, I expected it.
But these guys, they're a real piece of work, they celebrated their faith in every way - but the thing I noticed most was that even in the dark times, they celebrated and praised GOD. Now, I am a fairly intelligent person and I have practiced a couple of religions here and there but this place was special - it was different because this was a Family of Believers committed to the word in every way. Unconditional love at its finest. Messages that struck cords and began to change my heart. Little by little. But of course, being an eager beaver, I always thought - Oh, now I got it...then I would have an incredible mountaintop experience with God and then crash - a valley and whoops - Pop goes the weasel and this happened ALOT...I kept getting hit over the head...God had a purpose, a plan that was not to be derailed despite my very best and extraordinary efforts to the contrary.
In 2003 everything changed, God took hold of my heart in extraordinary ways because of "Rooms of the Heart" by Michele Louviere, the pastor's wife and church family counselor, and leader of the Women's Ministry. It was at this retreat that the clay began to form, if only a little.The ways He changed me are not countable, and they always change - hopefully & always for the best. There will always be mountaintops and there will always be valleys; crisis of faith; moments of incredible FAITH watching and trusting in Him, with all things. Since 2003, I no longer expect God to fix my problems, I expect Him to walk with me through them. If I make a misstep, He is surely always going to be there to help me work through it. And for every lemon - He always makes lemonade...sometimes sweet, sometimes sour but always Lemonade. I have no doubt in my mind that every consequence, good or bad, he will walk beside me loving me and teaching me.
When this journey to begin BFF International began in a little church up in Ridgefield, Washington, on a Sunday in December 2009, I had no idea what to expect - hey all did was write down in my Iphone the name. And as I waited expectantly, it was pretty quiet. And I began conversing back and forth with friends in my old home town, NY. But then in February, quite unexpectedly I lost a temporary job and the first person I called, Vette said the following "God must have something important for you to do to pull you out of there so quickly" - those words affected me powerfully and my prayers took a greater turn towards His Will and not mine. I expected to get that job, I expected to renew my lease, I expected that I would nurture and prune this garden God was building called the BFF here in Oregon, near my family and the family that inspired the BFF.
Today I expected to wake up and prepare for another day of helping my dear friend. As I woke and saw my morning inspirations on my little phone screen, I thought oh my goodness - Jeremiah 29-11-14 - it's just popping up all over the place - I will write about God's Promises, what an inspiration that will be. Well, again, He had other plans. I am writing about Jeremiah 29:11-14 "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord; they are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. And in those days when you pray, I will listen. I will be found by you, says the Lord. I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and I will bring you home again to your own land." How's that for what we can EXPECT!!!
Yesterday, I spoke these very words to my friend. I reminded him over and over, that even though he is in the refiner's fire, he is not forsaken. That trusting God is more than a Sunday at church and picking up a bible once in a while. Trusting God IS WORK. And given the world we live in - it is a monumental request of us mere mortals. But when we cannot trust at all, then how can we truly serve our creator. In the bible there are more than 6000 promises to us that He will not forsake us, He will not leave our side and that His love is perfect Love - UNCONDITIONAL.
WOW - now, can any one here tell me - when was the last time you trusted being Loved Unconditionally??? And how many times did it come back and bite you in the butt? So Trusting God is not an easy task. Most of us come and remain battered and bruised from the disappointments of our childhood and youth; the failed expectations of jobs won or lost; the disappointed expectation that this Love is the one that will last forever; or that a friendship would expectantly last forever; and how many of us EXPECT that GOD is not going to let bad things happen to us?
So today, I put this task to you. Go out and try and spend your day with OUT expectations. Try giving a smile without expecting one back. Do a good deed in quiet and silence without an expectation of a thank you or of appreciation. Today love someone just because this is a darn small planet we live on and we hit each other at every turn, but do it without expecting anything from them. Today go without any Expectations and watch as you are blessed with what comes back. That is God, that is how we can learn to trust God above all things, that is how we learn to connect our hearts and our heads, to understand just a fraction of what He has in store for us. I trust GOD with my life, he has saved it countless times, but most of all He saved it 3000 years ago as He hung there dying, for my/our transgressions. If my God is willing to do that for me, to Love me that much, then I think I can muster up the courage to Trust in Him...and besides I got a book that tells me more than 6000 times, that His plans for me are plans for good and not evil; that He wants to bless me and all I need to do is ask, walk righteously fighting the good fight; choosing goodness and kindness; choosing faith, hope and love over my fleshly Expectations and even when I don't HE LOVES ME.
Today I expect God to Act! Do you? And if you do, are your expectations self-serving and self-preserving or do you lay them at the feet of Jesus...knowing and trusting that whatever DOES happen today, He will Reign and His Word is true, and what you are expecting may come dressed in something else.
Thank you blessing me, quietly or publicly through this blog..I am already changed by this and it is my prayer that the hope and encouragement, truth and word will bring you peace. And make you laugh a little along the way. :)
Blessings,
marebear
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