Everyone is writing about this day at The Bible.com, I Expect God to Act etc...and as I look outside, where I have spent the better part of my day, dogs in tow, driving in icky and cold rain, working at this very thing through someone else, I was praying the entire time what should I blog about today. My first inclination was to spout off about this problem that I was helping to solve and the anger that welled up at various times at this person. So I thought - self, why not write about that today? Well, a little voice tapped me on the shoulder and said ask ME what you should write about. So I did! And I am certain that as I write this I will have some help in what to say and why it needs to be said.
Blogs are great, in a way they are an open journal for others to share in. And hopefully, along the way the thoughts and feelings and solutions one person has found or had, will bring hope to another person's untenable situation. Funny how it works really. But I will get to that. Today Christians around the world will celebrate the sacrifice of the cross. They will lift up or bow down, and give glorious thanks to God who through His Son Jesus Christ, saved the world from itself. satan rules the earth, God everything. Well if God rules everything but satan has the earth, then it's a no brainer whose gonna win really. I mean even with birth control, we are still outnumbered: The Omega, the omnicient versus 6 Billion, +1 (satan). I'll take the Godly odds.
And all He asks is for us to accept him into our lives, and poof - eternity in heaven versus eternity in hell. Ummm..again, pretty sure this a no brainer even for the smallest of creatures. As Christ hung there, his words were "forgive them father, for they know not what they do". Even as I write it, I get chills...think about it, for just a moment - one man, hanging with 2 thieves, head raised to the heavenlies, body torn and battered, wearing a crown of thorns, man oh man that had to hurt but STILL as he hung there, dying for us, he pleaded FOR us. WOW.
Today, my day was started with a crisis, not mine, some one else's. I went out frustrated and angry that it seems to be my job to bail this person out. And then I took the wrong exit on a trip that I have taken over a thousand times in 22 years here. I knew where I was going and how to get there. So this added more frustration and anger. And then God whispered, 'in my name'.
I get there and w I am still frustrated as I am given wrong information and still can't seem to get to the friend in need. Anyway, tired and hungry we went to Elmer's to sit and chat, refresh, clear my head, calm my heart and walk in His grace. But the problem was I was still angry. Now, how can I possibly be a help when I am angry - where was the forgiveness I was sure I had for my friend in need? Where was the compassion and empathy that comes through Generosity, Courage and Grace? Where was the love behind why I even went to help? Forgiveness is an ongoing process us mere humans must go through. While intellectually, I truly felt forgiveness, I still carried deep hurts and anger to my friend. He hurt me deeply, he used me, he took something away from me that I thought I would never get back. But all the time I kept telling myself I have forgiven him. And most days, I probably really feel that way. But today was a special day. As the storm clouds rolled in and temperatures were cold, unlike what a spring day should be, my heart turned heavenward and I was ashamed. How could I walk before my brother in crisis and present a Christ like heart of love and forgiveness when I carried all this anger and unforgiveness? I could not. My friend was continuing to make bad choices, my friend continued to turn from what he knows is truth and walks in blindness to the very thing he is probably most knowledgeable about. Yet he still makes these bad choices. And I can't change that. All the time I have known him, God has consistently reminded me that He has this friend. He does the changing not us. satan taunts and tempts by cutting into the very weaknesses we have as human beings, we all got it and it ain't goin no where....UNLESS, we fight the good fight, we look up and not inward or outward for that matter...Always up, because the moment we let our guard down, or become distrustful of what we know is truth...he slithers in and derails us. Doesn't matter how ya slice it folks, it's always the same...Pride comes before the Fall.
Pride is the most despised sin, even though all sin is abhorent to God and equally wrong whether you lie or kill. It's sin, plain and simple. But pride is the root of all our sin. It is what cast Adam and Eve out of the garden and it is what took God's most favored angel and made him the ruler of the earth. And when you really examine pride, the root of it is that we desire and want and choose to put our need above that of our brothers and sisters. When I choose to not give forgiveness, I am choosing selfishness. And in the end, I end up the loser and satan the winner. I mean really think about it. When we choose anything over God and a righteous living, as best as our ability as mere mortals we can, then we are choosing for the wrong reasons. The websters definition of pride is this"1 : the quality or state of being proud: as a : inordinate self-esteem : conceit "
then if you move on and continue to review the words associated with pride, and then meditate on it - guess what - at the source of all our weaknesses is pride. We believe we are able to do things in our own strength, through our own ability, through our own skill. But really can we? Can we forgive so unconditionally that we can let God be God in our lives, and pour forth blessings to others through that Love?
I posted the link above because it is poignant to this tale. As I sat there, face buried in my hands, alone at the table for a few moments, I sat and prayed. I asked God to calm me, hold me, heal me, so that I could give the way I wanted to, to begin with, the way GOD WANTS ME TO! And as I sat there, my phone alerted a new email and attached was the above posted Utube video - this movie is not only the greatest reminder for me of what Christ's Love is, but the song clipped to the video is not only one of my favorites, but it also speaks to that very same video. And as I listened, the tears came strolling down my cheeks and I was changed. When my friend returned, I was able to talk and be loving and caring and supportive but still be to the point. Instead of my words of anger and hurt and unforgiveness, my voice was softer, even toned, and quiet. Only God brings that kind of peace.
Today, as I stand in the shadow of His presence on the cross, I fall to my knees and thank Him for giving His life for mine. And as we count the moments until He is Risen, this Sunday, let us reflect on our Forgiveness. Today I realized my head had not yet connected with my heart and I needed to change. Today I started out as a boulder that went thud, and as I prepare to bring it to a close, it is my prayer to be the pebble. So way back in the beginning of the blog I wrote how I would get back to this, scroll back to paragraph 2. Each day, as I count down to Hittin the Road for Breiter Futures Foundation, I pray that I can be a pebble that causes the ripple that creates the wave that crashes against the shore. Have you been a pebble or a boulder or both? Blessings,
marebear
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